The Science of Discworld Revised Edition

his bleeding nose.
    ‘He goaded be,’ he said. ‘Id’s still osuns, howeber you look at id.’
    ‘A private ocean full of food,’ said Ponder, still entranced. ‘Hidden in a heap of … well, compost. Which heats up. That’s like having private sunshine.’
    The little lizard-like creatures that had hatched from the eggs in the mound slithered and slid down the bank into the water, bright-eyed and hopeful. The first few were instantly snapped up by a large male lying in wait among the weeds.
    ‘However, the mothers still have something to learn about postnatal care,’ said Ridcully. ‘I wonder if they’ll have time to learn? And how did they know how to do this? Who’s telling them?’
    The wizards were depressed again. Most days started that way now. Creatures seemed to turn up in the world randomly, and certainly not according to any pictures in a book. If things were changing into other things, and no one had seen that happen yet, why were the original things still the original things? If the land was so great, why were any fish left in the sea?
    The air-breathing fishes that Rincewind had seen still seemed to be around, lurking in swamps and muddy beaches. Things changed, but still stayed the same.
    And if there was any truth at all in Ponder’s tentative theory that things
did
change into other things, it led to the depressing thought that, well, the world was filling up with quitters, creatures which – instead of staying where they were, and really making a
go
of life in the ocean or the swamp or wherever – were running away to lurk in some niche and grow legs. The kind of fish that’d come out of water was, frankly, a disgrace to the species. It kept
coughing
all the time, like someone who’d just given up smoking.
    And there was no purpose, Ridcully kept saying. Life was on land. According to the book, there should be some big lizards. But nothing seemed to be making much of an effort. The moment anything felt safe, it stopped bothering.
    Rincewind, currently relaxing on a rock, rather liked it. There were large animals snuffling around in the greenery near the rock he was sitting on; in general shape and appearance, they looked like a small skinny hippopotamus designed in the dark by a complete amateur. They were hairy. They coughed, too.
    Things that were doing sufficiently beetle-like things for him to think of them as beetles ambled across the ground.
    Ponder had told him the continents were moving again, so he kept a firm grip on his rock just in case.
    Best of all, nothing seemed to be
thinking
. Rincewind was convinced that no good came of that sort of thing.
    The last few weeks of Discworld time had been instructive. The wizards had tentatively identified several dozen embryo civilizations, or at least creatures that seemed to be concerned about more than simply where their next meal was coming from. And where were they now? There was a squid one, H EX said, out in the really deep cold water. Apart from that, ice or fire or both at once came to the thinkers and the stupid alike. There was probably some kind of moral involved.
    The air shimmered, and half a dozen ghostly figures appeared in front of him.
    There were, in pale shadowy colours, the wizards. Silvery lines flickered across their bodies and, periodically, they flickered.
    ‘Now, remember,’ said Ponder Stibbons, and his voice sounded muffled, ‘You are in
fact
still in the High Energy Magic building. If you walk slowly H EX will try to adjust your feet to local ground level. You’ll have a limited ability to move things, although H EX will do the actual work –’
    ‘Can we eat?’ said the Senior Wrangler.
    ‘No, sir. Your mouth isn’t
here
.’
    ‘Well, then, what am I talking out of?’
    ‘Could be anyone’s guess, sir,’ said Ponder diplomatically. ‘We can hear you because our ears are in the HEM, and you can hear the sounds made
here
because H EX is presenting you with an analogue of them. Don’t worry about it. It’ll seem quite natural after a while.’
    The ghost of the Dean kicked at the soil. A fraction of a second later, a little heap of earth splashed up.
    ‘Amazing!’ he said, happily.
    ‘Excuse me?’ said Rincewind.
    They turned.
    ‘Oh, Rincewind,’ said Ridcully, as one might say ‘oh dear, it’s raining’. ‘It’s you.’
    ‘Yes, sir.’
    ‘Mister Stibbons here’s found a way of getting H EX to operate more than one virtually-there suit, d’you see? So we thought we’d come