The Shuddering

she saw Jane’s shoulders slump.
    “What?” she asked. “Why were you down there so long? What happened?” She sat up, tossing the magazine aside. “Did that chick go back downstairs, looking all frou-frou French eventhough she’s totally not? Did you see her all quiet and demure at dinner, like she was too good to participate in the conversation? What the hell was that all about?”
    Jane pushed her fingers through her hair.
    “So?” Lauren pressed. “What happened?”
    “Nothing. I’m just tired.”
    Lauren frowned. “Why do you do that?”
    “Do what?”
    “Pretend like nothing’s wrong? It’s okay, Janey; the world won’t crumble if you show some weakness.”
    Jane sighed and moved across the room to her bag, crouching beside it before fishing through her things.
    “Do you want to go home?” It was the right thing to ask—the best-friend thing to ask. Lauren was sure Ryan would understand, confident that if he knew Jane was having a hard time he’d pack them up and drive back to Phoenix at first light. She saw the way they were with each other, amazed that a pair of siblings could be as in sync as they were. It made her jealous. She could never be like that with Kevin. She’d hardly spoken to her older brother, or any of her crazy family, in over a year. They were all two-faced, dramatic, needy. But Jane and Ryan both had this one perfect person they could tell everything to. They probably didn’t even have to speak for one to know what the other was thinking.
    “No,” Jane said from the floor, tossing a pair of pajama pants onto the carpet beside her. Lauren said nothing as she watched her friend slip into thoughtfulness, Jane’s eyes fixed upon the floor, her short hair framing her face. Feeling the sadness waft off her friend like waves of heat, Lauren crawled across the bed to get closer. She hadn’t seen Jane like this before.
    “Janey…”
    “I could stay here forever,” Jane confessed. “Isn’t that sad?” When she looked up, Lauren offered her a faint smile.
    “Sawyer isn’t what I expected,” Lauren said.
    “He isn’t what anyone ever expects.”
    “There’s definitely something about him,” Lauren agreed. “Mystery.”
    “Grace,” Jane said softly. “He doesn’t walk; he floats. His feet don’t touch the ground.”
    “Well, he’s obviously human,” Lauren assured her. “Look at the girl he picked to be with. There’s something wrong with him for sure.”
    “Maybe.” Jane shrugged.
    “Oh, come on, Jane. Stop being so fair all the time. She sucks. You can hate her.”
    “I don’t want to hate her. I want him to be happy.”
    “And what about you?” Lauren asked. “Don’t you count?”
    Jane frowned at that and Lauren sighed. She pushed the blankets away from herself, crawled across the bed, and slid onto the floor next to her friend.
    “Why don’t you just tell him?”
    “I can’t,” Jane said. “It wouldn’t be right.”
    “Except that you invited him to your wedding because you wanted him to crash it,” Lauren reminded her. “You probably shouldn’t have ever married Alex at all.”
    Jane opened her mouth to protest, but Lauren shook her head, refusing to let her talk her way out of it.
    “Who does that, Janey? Who invites a guy to her wedding with the sole hope of that guy sweeping her away from the altar? It’s insane. It’s always been insane, and maybe that’s why it didn’t work with Alex. I know you loved him, and he’s a bastard for cheating on you—I hope that asshole burns in hell—but have you ever stopped to think that maybe all of this fell apart because it wasn’t meant to be in the first place? Have you ever stopped to think that maybe you should screw all this fairness and finally tell Sawyer how you feel?”
    Jane shook her head, her bottom lip trembling.
    “Why?” Lauren demanded. “Because it’ll put him in an awkward position?”
    Jane covered her face with her hands.
    “And what if he’s in the same boat?” Lauren asked. “What if he’s just as tortured as you? What if all he wants is to be with you again?”
    “Then why would he come here with his stupid girlfriend?” Jane spit out.
    “Because he’s a guy,” Lauren said flatly. “And guys are morons.”
    They both went silent for a moment, and eventually Jane pulled in a steadying breath and looked up at Lauren. “You really like him?” she asked softly.
    “Sure,” Lauren said. “I mean, I don’t really know him very well,