The Shuddering

leaving Sawyer to knock snow off his car. He stopped at the crest of the hill, looked down the length of the drive—a good quarter of a mile, its rough surface and various potholes completely invisible beneath a blanket of white. Had there not been trees on either side of the road, it would have been impossible to tell it was there at all.
    “This is insane,” Ryan said softly, then raised his voice, craning his neck to look back toward his friend. “Even if you do get down there, you still have, like, five miles to the highway, and that highway is going to be closed , man. You’re going to fly off the road and kill yourself.”
    But Sawyer didn’t reply. With half the Jeep uncovered, he waded to the other side.
    “Since when did you stop caring about life?” Ryan asked. “I know things are complicated, but say yes to the future. Be reasonable.”
    “Hey, Ry?” Jane’s voice came around the side of the house, clear as a bell in the silence of a fresh snowfall. Ryan looked toward the cabin. He couldn’t see her, but he knew exactly where she was—hanging halfway out of the kitchen door, wincing against the cold.
    “Yeah?” he called back.
    “When you’re done, can you check for alfalfa under the deck and put it in the deer feeder if it’s there?”
    “Are you kidding?” he mumbled, but replied before she had a chance to ask him again. “Yes, dear,” he chimed, then plodded back toward the cabin just in time to watch Sawyer pull open the driver’s-side door. He had to give it a firm tug before it gave, frozen to the doorframe. Sliding inside, Sawyer banged his shoes together, trying to loosen the snow from the treads of his boots and folds of his jeans.
    “I’m trying to help you,” Ryan told him. “It was a miracle getting her up here.” He nodded at the cabin, at the voice that had just spooled across the blanket of snow. “You do realize that, right?”
    Sawyer kept his silence.
    “And since when do you not answer me when I ask you a question, anyway?” Ryan asked, clumsily adjusting his trooper hat with gloved hands. “I mean, I respect your privacy and everything, but since when did we get to that point?”
    The Jeep’s engine rumbled to life.
    Sawyer leaned back in his seat and sighed.
    “You don’t want to talk about it.” Ryan held up his hands. “I get it. But you realize you’re making a huge mistake, right? You do realize that this crazy shit…” He waved a hand at the house. “It’s just going to get worse, yeah?”
    “It’s called responsibility,” Sawyer said. “Maybe you’ve heard of it.”
    “You mean the stuff it takes to run a successful business?” Ryan quipped back. “Yeah, I’ve heard of it. But responsibility doesn’t have to take over your life.”
    “No?” Sawyer raised an eyebrow at his friend. “Is that why you’re moving? Because it hasn’t taken over?” Sawyer stepped on the gas, revving the engine. Ryan stepped away from the car as Sawyer swung the door closed.
    “It’s part-time,” he said, raising his voice, trying to yell through the window glass and over the engine’s roar. “What you’re getting into is full-time for the rest of your goddamn life.” The Jeep started to roll backward, crunching snow beneath the back tires.
    Sawyer gave it some gas, leaving deep tire tracks in the driveway. Backing up onto the road, he pointed the Jeep down the steep grade. The e-brake zipped into place. Ryan watched his childhood friend slide out of the car and trudge around its front, using the Jeep’s tracks as a thoroughfare as he marched back toward the house. Ryan blocked his way when Sawyer reached the end of the tracks, his hands held up, wanting to say what he had to say before Sawyer went back inside.
    “Listen, you’re my best friend, all right?”
    “Don’t,” Sawyer warned, pushing Ryan’s hands away from his chest.
    “You don’t have to do this. A kid doesn’t have to come with vows anymore.”
    “Ryan, move,” Sawyer said, but Ryan refused.
    “I’m not moving until you hear me out, because this shit has to be said.”
    “Nothing has to be said. What’s done is done.”
    Ryan shook his head. “What does that even mean?”
    “Just move.” Sawyer tried to step around, but Ryan moved in the same direction.
    “ What’s done?” he asked. “You told me you were going to wait; you were going to think it through.”
    Sawyer grabbed him by the shoulders and moved him to the side before stepping around the