The Six Rules of Maybe

feel it like a pop-song earthquake. Shiny, overconfident clothes you could never imagine yourself wearing hung along the walls. I felt some sort of clothes-store consumer shame creeping up my insides. It was all the insincerity of high school with the added humiliation of mirrors.
    “Scarlet, please. I’ve seen your body before. Since I was three, for God’s sake. I’m your sister .”
    Precisely. “Uh-uh.”
    “I’m tired. I’m pregnant , remember? I need to sit. I’ll shut my eyes.”
    “Fine.”
    We closed ourselves in the little dressing room with the slatted wood door. Juliet sat down on the triangular corner seat. I hung the fat bunch of dresses on the hook, slipped off my shoes. I could see the sock clad feet of the person next to me under one side of the wall.
    “So tell me about this Jared,” Juliet said. She leaned against the tight corner of the dressing room, eyes shut. She looked sort of sweet then. I remembered how much I loved her. She didn’t look capable of ripping Hayden’s heart to shreds.
    “Jared,” I said. I stepped into the first dress, wiggled the zipper up behind me. The bust of the dress gaped out and I pushed my palms against the material to flatten it out. “Jared is … No boobs,” I said.
    She popped open her eyes. “Yeah, no. That won’t work. What do they think? If you had a chest that big you’d fall over every timeyou stood up.”
    I plumped out the material to its fullest full to make her laugh. “Triple Venti Double-Tall implants,” I said.
    “Move on,” she said. Eyes shut again. “Jared.”
    “Really nice, you know. Wants to be a …” I wriggled free from that dress, put on the next one. It was black, with white decorative piping. I was a human Hostess Cupcake. “A chef.”
    “A chef?” She popped her eyes open.
    “A pastry chef.”
    “Oh.” She seemed to ponder this as she pondered the dress, realized they both left something to be desired.
    “No comment even necessary,” I said.
    “You should try something sexier. You could pull it off. You don’t have to be virtuous every minute.”
    “Right, what, low-cut black lace? I’m sorry, I’m not you .”
    “Look at you. You turned gorgeous. I go away for a year and, well, look at you. Jesus.”
    I did—gave a good long look in the dressing room mirror. I looked back at me, unimpressed. I looked through the hangers, deciding what to try next.
    “Tell me about Hayden,” I said.
    “What’s to tell?”
    “You make it sound like he’s so simple. Like it’s all right there to see.”
    “It is. He’s sweet. A good person. Etcetera, etcetera. You can see it. Anyone can see it.”
    “Does he like the mountains? Did he ever go to camp? What is he afraid of?”
    “I don’t know, Scarlet.” She was getting pissed at me.
    “I’m just saying, there’s a lot to a person.”
    The little room shuddered as the door next to me closed. A mom with two small children by the sound of it. There was a lot of shuffling and bumping, and then, “Sit here with Sarah, okay, Benjamin? Make sure she doesn’t fall.”
    I unzipped a satiny brown dress and tried to lift it over my hips but it wouldn’t go. Plan B, try again. I raised my arms and scootched it down. There was a small voice: “I like what’s in your purse, Mommy.”
    And then: “Benjamin! Don’t play with that. Put that back!” And then, a thump and a wail.
    “Brown satin,” I said.
    Juliet looked. “I really like that. That’s great on you.”
    It was hard to see anything since the mirror was so close up, but from what I could tell, I looked like me, only shinier. The kid was still wailing next to us and Juliet squinched up her face as if the sound pained her. I did the same. “Can’t you do what I ask you for one minute?” the woman next door said. The second kid started to yell-whine. “Mom! Give it baaaaack! I want it baaaaack!”
    “We’ll put this one in the maybe pile,” I said.
    “What did you say? I couldn’t hear you,” Juliet said too loudly. I hated when she did things like that. Juliet wasn’t one to just be nice and go along.
    “Juliet!” I whispered.
    “Well, for God’s sake,” she snapped back.
    “Fine, here. Take it. Just don’t take everything out,” the woman said. The sock-clad feet in the dressing room on my other side put their shoes on and got the heck out of there. Smart.
    Getting out of the dress was harder even than getting it on. I was sure it had shrunk a size somewhere between lifting