The Truth About Faking

remember us talking at the creek that night about his mom and her searching his room, his dad and him not feeling like he belonged. I can’t just turn my back on him. Can I?
    I breathe deeply and focus on tomorrow. Jason and I have talked about so many things before. I’m sure I can explain this to him as well. He just needs to listen to me. And now that this business with Mom is settled, there’ll be no more distractions, nothing to get us off track.
     
    Ricky’s not at our house the next morning. I walk into the kitchen and look around, but for the first time in almost a year, he’s absent. It’s funny. I never dreamed I’d miss him, but now that I know the truth, that he was never a threat to my family, I wish he was here. He was funny and sweet to me. He was brave, and he set the record straight for Mom, even thought it meant a big, public display in front of a bunch of strangers—a few of which were hostile. I feel bad for being so mean to him yesterday morning, and I wish I could say I’m sorry. I didn’t know it’d be the last time I’d see him.
    I see the door to Mom’s office is open, so I walk over and look inside. She’s sitting in a chair holding a cup of tea.
    “Mom?” I ask stepping around the door. “Hey.”
    She glances up and gives me a small smile. “Hi, Harley,” she says softly.
    I smile back and sit beside her. She doesn’t speak, but she reaches over and smoothes my hair. The last time I spoke to her, we were shouting, too.
    “I didn’t hear you come in last night,” I say. “Dad came in, but he was alone.”
    She nods and sips her tea. “I needed to discuss how we’d finish the semester with Ricky.”
    “It’s weird not having him here. What’s going to happen now?”
    “He’ll probably just do his last few sessions at the school in Glennville. It’s a little awkward for him coming here now.”
    I nod and give her a grin. “Mrs. Perkins really showed her true colors last night, didn’t she?”
    Mom doesn’t smile. “A lot of people agree with her.”
    “But you didn’t do anything wrong.”
    “It’s a very divisive issue, Harley,” she says, smoothing my hair again.
    I’m quiet a moment, and I think of Dad reading that Issues book. I look at her sitting there, legs crossed, hair swept back in a long pony tail.
    “Why didn’t you just tell the elders Ricky was gay?”
    She smiles at me like I’m very young. “He asked me not to tell anyone.”
    “Why?”
    “Oh, he had his reasons.” Then she laughs softly. “I think he didn’t want to cause any conflicts for your dad at church if it could be avoided.”
    “That really worked out.” But I’m not satisfied with her answer. “You could’ve told them it was a secret—just to get yourself off the hook.”
    Mom shakes her head. “Ricky was struggling with telling his own family. I couldn’t betray his trust like that.”
    I look down at the floor. “But by not telling, Dad could’ve lost his job. And we might’ve had to move-”
    “Daddy wouldn’t have lost his job.” Mom sighs. “And I’m sorry you were worried. But there are some things you’re too young to understand, Harley.”
    That makes me angry, and I look straight at her. “You say that, but it’s not true. I understand a lot. And you did choose him over us.”
    “I didn’t choose anyone. Your daddy and I were trying to decide what was best.”
    “Whether it was better that people thought you were having an affair? So being gay’s worse than adultery now?”
    Mom just looks at me. Her expression is weary, and I don’t want to argue with her. But I still don’t understand her staying silent.
    “Ricky only had a few weeks left in his training,” she says softly. “And then he’d be gone.”
    I can tell by her tone she’s trying to diffuse our disagreement, but I’m not finished.
    “You could’ve told me,” I say. “You never tell me things.”
    “Oh, Harley,” she sighs. “It would’ve been unfair to burden you with all that. And I do tell you things.”
    I hear Shelly’s horn beeping, and I give up this round. But her words aren’t true. She’s kept me at arm’s distance since Ricky arrived, and I feel like there’s a lot I still don’t know. We aren’t finished here, but I have to get to school.
     
    Shelly’s pouty when I got in the car. I flop into the seat and pull my bag onto my lap wondering if she’s heard the news. I would think it’d be all over town by now, and I half expect her to be