The Twelve Kingdoms: Shadow of the Moon

there with her chin in her hands.
    Glancing around the room, she saw another, smaller room, about ten feet by ten. Perhaps she could relax better in there. Then she approached the room and sighed.
    The door partitioning the two rooms was folded back. The door was engraved with a delicate fretwork. As she stepped inside, the room became much bigger. Silk curtains hung down over a raised platform. The curtains were half open. Silk bedding covered the platform. That this ten-foot square room consisted of just a bed struck as some sort of bad joke. She couldn't think of lying on this thing. Sleep was out of the question.
    With nothing else better to do, Youko opened the big window. The French doors reached from the floor to the ceiling. Stained glass filled the geometric patterns between the lattices. Beyond the doors was a wide balcony.
    As the En had promised, her room faced a terrace that looked out over the Sea of Clouds.
    When she opened the window, the salt smell of the sea drifted in. It was preferable to the incense. She stepped outside. The terrace, covered with white stone, ran around the circumference of the building. It was about as wide as a small courtyard.
    She walked along the terrace. She leaned against the railing and gazed out at the Sea of Clouds. The big moon was sliding down the sky into the waves. Staring at the waves dashing against the rocks beneath her, she heard the sound of footsteps behind her. Looking back over her shoulder, she saw an animal with a gray coat coming toward her.
    "Out for a walk?" she asked.
    Rakushun grinned at the question. "So you can't sleep either?"
    "Yeah. You too?"
    "How can you sleep in a room like that? Now I'm sorry I didn't go back to the inn."
    "Same here."
    The rat laughed. "What are you talking about? You have a palace just like this one."
    The smile disappeared from her face. "Yeah, I probably do."
    Rakushun stood next to Youko and like her gazed out over the ocean. "The palace in Kei is located in Gyouten, Ei Province. It's called Kinpa Palace, the Palace of Golden Waves."
    It didn't peak her interest. She answered with a listless, "Huh."
    Rakushun was quiet for a moment. "You know, Youko."
    "What?"
    "It's most likely that Keiki was captured by Joei, the pretender."
    "So it seems."
    "If the Royal Kou was really determined that you never take the throne, there's one foolproof method."
    "Yeah, kill Keiki."
    "Right. If Keiki dies, you die, too. Because you have not yet ascended Mount Hou and accepted the Divine Decree, I don't know what would happen to you. But that would probably be the end result."
    Youko nodded. "No doubt. It's because I did that covenant thing with him and because I'm no longer a human being. That's why I don't get injured easily and why I can understand what people say. That's why I can wield a sword and why I was able to cross the Kyokai. It's all because of that."
    "Probably. Keiki is in the hands of your enemies. For your own good.... "
    "I don't want to hear it."
    "Youko."
    "No. It's not that I think I'm above it all. I know what a king is, what a kirin is. That's why I'm not going to make a decision like this just based on self-preservation."
    "But . . . . "
    "I'm not being self-destructive." She smiled. "When I came here, considering the state I was in, dying wouldn't have come as much of a surprise. I've somehow survived till now, but probably more due to luck than anything else. I was as good as dead when I came here, so it's not something I get all choked up about. At any rate, I don't want to be the kind of person who gets all choked up about stuff like that.
    "I don't want this to be some rash, life or death decision. I know what everybody expects of me. But if I simply do what is convenient for everybody else, let everybody else determine what my life will be, then I won't be shouldering the responsibility myself. That's why I've got to think it over."
    Rakushun looked up at her with his jet-black eyes. "I can't understand what you're so confused about."
    "I can't do it."
    "Why do you say that?"
    "Because I know just how mean and ugly a human being I am. I'm no king. I don't have it in me."
    "That's not true."
    "If you are a hanjuu, Rakushun, then I'm a hanjuu, too. I may appear human, but I'm a beast inside."
    "Youko . . . . "
    Youko gripped the railing of the balcony. There was a delicate beauty in the luxurious feel of the ornate stone. Casting her gaze downwards, she could see the lights of Kankyuu glowing like sea fire