The Twelve Kingdoms: Shadow of the Moon

would rather drag them down to his level. It happened all the time. God, did it happen all the time. But, still....
    "If a king can't give a moment's thought to the suffering of his own people, he'll do the unthinkable just in order to pull off a dumb stunt like this."
    How many people would get caught up in this, how many would lose their lives? If Kou was destroyed, the damage would be unimaginable. Enki's words echoed in her head. People are idiots. And the more they suffer, the dumber they get.
    Flanked by the kingdoms of Kei and Sou--the Royal En and the Royal Sou never far from his mind--fifty years at the most, he had said. But how long a time was that to him? This was a road she could just as easily head down as well. The Kingdom of Kei was in the same position as Kou, vis-a-vis En and Sou. Was it possible she could start thinking the same way the Royal Kou did?
    "This is scary," she said to herself. "God, this is really scary."

Chapter 64
    Y ouko went out onto the terrace for a breath of night air. She saw she had a guest.
    "Rakushun."
    He was gazing out at the Sea of Clouds. He glanced over his shoulder, waved hello with his tail.
    "Can't sleep?" she asked.
    "I've been thinking about things."
    "Thinking about things?"
    Rakushun nodded. "How to get Youko to change her mind, things like that."
    Youko smiled wryly. She joined him as she had the night before. She leaned against the railing and looked down at the Sea of Clouds.
    "Can I ask you something?"
    "What?"
    "Why do you want me to be king?"
    "It's not a matter of me wanting. You are the king. You've been chosen by the kirin. But you keep trying to abdicate. So I keep trying to think of ways to stop you. When a king turns his back on his country, it's bad luck for both."
    "If I became king, it'd probably be even worse."
    "Not in this case."
    "Why not?"
    "Because you have what it takes to do the job."
    "I can't."
    "You can," Rakushun said and sighed. "Even now, why do you think so little of yourself?"
    "Because it's not just about me." Youko looked down at the waves crashing against the shore. "If it were just about me, then sure, I'd give it my best and see what happened. That is, if the responsibility were all mine and I'd be the only one who'd end up dead when I really screwed up. But that's not the case here."
    "The people of Kei await the day when they can return to their country."
    "Sure, to a wealthy, peaceful country. But that's not something I can give them."
    "It's not only about being chosen by the kirin. The Royal En says that anybody has the ability to become an enlightened monarch."
    "If that were true, then why is Kei in chaos? Why should Kou be? Even if that ability is there, it is no easy task bringing it to the fore."
    "But you will."
    "Groundless self-confidence is arrogance."
    Reproofed, Rakushun bowed his head.
    "This isn't about my self-esteem. If you think that's what my lack of self-confidence comes down to, then so be it. But I've got reasons for thinking so. I've learned a lot here, the most important of which, to put it simply, is that I'm an idiot."
    "Youko."
    "I don't get any pleasure from putting myself down. I'm an honest-to-goodness fool. Knowing that much about myself, I've finally gotten around to searching out the less stupid parts of me. That's what comes next, Rakushun. If I try my best and bit by bit can make myself an even slightly better person, then it'd be worth it. If being chosen by the kirin to be a king is proof that you are a good person, then that's something I ought to strive for. But that isn't me now. That's me a long time from now, after I've become a little less of a dunderhead."
    I see, Rakushun muttered to himself. He let go of the railing and paced around the wide veranda. "You're scared."
    "I sure am."
    "This big responsibility fell on your shoulders, and now you're scared stiff."
    "That's pretty much it."
    "Then you'd better hurry up and get Keiki back, Youko."
    When Youko looked at him, he was standing behind her, in her shadow. "You're not doing this all by yourself. What do you think the kirin are there for? Why do you think Heaven made it so that the kirin chooses the king and not the other way around? You call yourself contemptible, you say that you've acted despicably. If you say so, then who am I to contradict you? But when Keiki chose you, he must have thought those aspects of yourself necessarily as well."
    "What are you saying?"
    "Bring all the parts together to make the whole. You are