The Twelve Kingdoms: Shadow of the Moon

insufficient by yourself, and so is Keiki. Isn't that why king and kirin were made to exist together? A kirin is a kind of hanjuu, half-human, half-beast. You say you are, too. Two halves make a whole, don't you see? The same way as with the Royal En and Enki."
    Youko nodded.
    "There are people who'd be ecstatic to become a king. Having the sense to get a little intimidated thinking about your people means you have the qualities to sit on the throne."
    "That's not it."
    "Trust Keiki."
    "But . . . . "
    "And trust yourself more. If it will take you five more years to grow into the crown, then why not start now? What's there to be afraid of?"
    "But . . . . "
    "Keiki chose you as king. Right now, no one else on earth will look to anyone but you as the Royal Kei. The Divine Will of Heaven is the will of the people. That means that no one else can bring about the happiness of the people of Kei. But don't try to gulp all this down at once. The people of Kei are your subjects. By the same token, you are a subject of Kei. "
    "Yeah, but . . . . "
    "If you wish to become a better person, accept the throne and become a better king. Do that and you will become a better person, will you not? The duties of a king are indeed heavy. But isn't it better that way? The more responsibilities a person willingly bears, the quicker the soul is honed."
    "And if I don't become this better person?"
    "If you have the will to better yourself, you will, regardless. The kirin and your subjects will be your instructors. With so many teachers, you won't remain a fool for long."
    For a long time, Youko stared silently at the sea. "If I become king, I won't be able to go home."
    "Do you want to?"
    "I don't know."
    "You don't know?"
    Youko nodded. "To be honest, my life in that other world wasn't so great. And I don't mind being here as much as I used to."
    "Of course not."
    "But ever since I came here, all I can think about is going back."
    "I understand."
    "My parents are there. My home, my friends. If you asked me, yes or no, are they good parents, are they good friends, I'd have a hard time answering. But it's not their fault. I was lacking as a human being, so the relationships I formed were lacking as well. But if I went back, I think I could do it right. Start all over from square one, make a place for myself in the world. I really regret being such a jerk. That's why I'd like to have the chance to do it over again."
    Her tears spilled down onto her hands, still grasping the handrail. "Even if I couldn't make it all right, even if that is not the world I truly belong to, I still miss it. I never said goodbye. If I'd had the time to prepare myself, I don't think it would hurt this much. But I left it all behind without a single word of farewell."
    "So you did."
    "And not only that. I've been telling myself all along that I wanted to go home, that I was definitely going home. It's tough giving up what's kept me going this whole time."
    "I know."
    "If I went home, I would regret it for sure. And if I don't, I'll regret it as well. No matter what I do, I'm going to hurt. I want both, but I have to choose only one."
    A soft, warm hand touched her cheek, wiping away the tears.
    "Rakushun . . . . "
    "Don't turn around. I'm not really presentable right now."
    She found herself laughing and crying at the same time.
    "C'mon, don't laugh. I can't help it. My rat hands won't reach."
    "I guess not."
    "You know, Youko. When you don't know which choice is the best, then you should choose the path you ought to take, rather than the one you wish for. You know you are going to regret the path not taken. But regrets being more or less equal, better the one where the regret is even a bit less."
    "I know."
    "And if you go with what you ought to do, then all that remains is the wishful thinking you had to give up to do the right thing. Such regrets should rest easier on the mind in the long run, should it not?"
    "Yes."
    The hand clasped against her cheek was warm. "I really want to see what kind of kingdom you are going to build, Youko."
    "Thank you, Rakushun."

Chapter 65
    O n the day of the raid on Iryuu, Youko was given use of a species of flying horse called a kitsuryou. The kitsuryou had a red mane, white stripes covered its coat, and it had gorgeous golden eyes. Jouyuu knew how to ride a horse.
    "You're welcome to stay in Kankyuu," said the En, but Youko did not agree. With as many as six thousand troops defending Iryuu, even one more rider could make a