The Underside of Joy

joint custody with physical custody going to Paige. Visitation for you . . . four times a year plus two weeks in the summer, one week after Christmas.’
    I shook my head. ‘Visitation for me ? Absolutely not. Come on, Gwen. You yourself said that I’m their real mom.’
    She pulled her sleeves down so they showed under her suit jacket, splayed her chubby fingers over the letters. ‘Ella, our entire case was built on the abandonment issue. These letters make that go away. You, as a stepmother, have no rights when a loving, willing birth mother wants to have custody of her children. You weren’t even made their legal guardian.’ My throat tightened. ‘Those letters prove that Paige should be in their lives. But we still have the issue of what’s best for Annie and Zach on our side. Elbow, where they’ve grown up with their close extended family? Or Sin City?’
    She pressed her fingers to her temples. ‘Look, we don’t have to decide on the offer right now. Let’s hear what the judge has to say.’
    Back in Courtroom J, Judge Stanton let out a long sigh. His gaze ping-ponged between Paige and me. He spoke with tired resignation. ‘I have read the letters, and they do certainly shed a new light on this case. In fact, the mediator’s recommendation was based on the fact that the petitioner had not communicated with her children for three years. The letters disprove that and reveal a loving but emotionally disturbed young mother, who by leaving was acting in what she believed was in the best interest of the children. It very well may have been. I have to say, I am dismayed that the now deceased father did not work with the mother to reunite her with the children. One cannot help but wonder what role the stepmother played in all of this. I’m going to order a custody investigation and set this over for a hearing once that can be completed. But I’ll tell you right now my inclination is this: with respect to the youngest child, his mother figure is Ms. Beene. With respect to the older child, her mother figure is Ms. Capozzi. And maybe that’s the way this custody situation should be handled.’
    I grabbed Gwen’s pen and wrote NO!! on her manila folder.
    She stood. ‘Your Honour, before we get into a drawn-out investigation, can we each talk to our clients?’
    Gwen and I sat in an attorney conference room. I said through clenched teeth, ‘They cannot be separated.’
    ‘This judge is so over the top, it’s ridiculous. He could be grandstanding. It doesn’t happen often that a judge splits up the children.’
    ‘You heard him. I cannot take that chance. How is this happening ?’
    ‘Look. It’s not happening today; he’s speculating. First there has to be an investigation. They’ll look into everything. Everyone will be interviewed. It’s going to be an intense six months. And expensive.’
    ‘I don’t care about the money. I’ll find the money. It’s just that this is taking its toll on everyone. Marcella . . . I don’t think she and Joe Sr could live through much more of this. But it’s going to be the hardest on Annie and Zach.’
    ‘And we’ve barely scratched the surface, compared to what’s coming with an investigation. Ella, right now Paige is offering you joint custody. We can also ask that the court retain jurisdiction for either party to seek a modification, which means it can be revisited in the future.’
    ‘But she gets physical custody?’
    Gwen nodded. ‘We could let this go to a hearing, and the judge could rule that she has full custody and you have nothing. Not even visitation. And that’s possible. Typically, stepparents have no rights when it comes to custody.’ She leaned into the table. ‘Except when you can prove abandonment. Ella, the best-case scenario is that you get Zach but not Annie. And you clearly don’t want them separated.’
    How did this happen?
    The letters happened.
    ‘Gwen, what would you do if they were your kids?’
    She placed her hand on my arm. ‘Joint custody. I would agree to their stipulation. This may be the best we can do right now. Okay?’
    I nodded but couldn’t say the word yes.
    She left me in the room so I wouldn’t have to talk to Joe Sr, Marcella, or David, and went to draw up the papers. I sat with my face in my hands, knowing without a doubt that I had tried to do the right thing and instead had failed everyone I loved.

Chapter Twenty-nine
    Lizzie answered the front door and hugged me. ‘Frank called. You did an