The Wit And Wisdom Of Discworld

morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?’ said the Sphinx smugly.
    Teppic considered this.
    ‘That’s a tough one,’ he said, eventually.
    ‘You’ll never get it.’
    ‘You’re right.’ Teppic stared at the claws.
    ‘The answer is: “A Man”,’ said the Sphinx.
    ‘What do you mean, a man?’
    ‘It’s easy’ said the Sphinx. ‘A baby crawls in the morning, stands on both legs at noon, and at evening an old man walks with a stick. Good, isn’t it?’
    Teppic bit his lip. ‘We’re talking about one day here?’ he said doubt-fully.
    There was a long, embarrassing silence.
    ‘It’s a wossname, a figure of speech,’ said the Sphinx irritably. ‘Nothing wrong with the riddle. Damn good riddle. Had that riddle for fifty years, sphinx and cub.’ It thought about this. ‘Chick,’ it corrected.
    ‘It’s a good riddle,’ Teppic said soothingly. ‘But is there internal consistency within the metaphor? Let’s say for example that the average life expectancy is seventy years, okay?’
    ‘Okay’ said the Sphinx, in the uncertain tones of someone who has let the salesman in and is now regretfully contemplating a future in which they are undoubtedly going to buy life insurance.
    ‘Right. Good. So noon would be age 35, am I right? Now considering that most children can toddle at a year or so, the four legs reference is really unsuitable, wouldn’t you agree? I mean, most of the morning is spent on two legs. According to your analogy … only about twenty minutes immediately after 00.00 hours, half an hour tops, is spent on four legs. Am I right? Be fair.’
    ‘Well—’ said the Sphinx.
    ‘By the same token you wouldn’t be using a stick by six p.m. because you’d be only, er, 52,’ said Teppic, scribbling furiously. ‘In fact you wouldn’t really be looking at any kind of walking aid until at least half past nine, I think … I’m sorry, it’s basically okay, but it doesn’t work … You just need to alter it a bit, that’s all.’
    ‘Okay’ it said doubtfully. ‘I suppose I could ask: What is it that walks on four legs—’
    ‘Metaphorically speaking,’ said Teppic.
    ‘Four legs, metaphorically speaking,’ the Sphinx agreed, ‘for about—’
    ‘Twenty minutes, I think we agreed.’
    ‘—okay, fine, twenty minutes in the morning, on two legs—’
    ‘But I think calling it “in the morning” is stretching it a bit,’ said Teppic. ‘It’s just after midnight. I mean, technically it’s the morning, but in a very real sense it’s still last night . .. Let’s just see where we’ve got to, shall we? What, metaphorically speaking, walks on four legs just after midnight, on two legs for most of the day—’
    ‘—barring accidents,’ said the Sphinx, pathetically eager to show that it was making a contribution.
    ‘Fine, on two legs barring accidents, until at least suppertime, when it walks with three legs—’
    ‘I’ve known people use two walking sticks,’ said the Sphinx helpfully.
    ‘Okay How about: when it continues to walk on two legs or with any prosthetic aids of its choice?’
    The Sphinx gave this some consideration.
    ‘Ye-ess,’ it said gravely. ‘That seems to fit all eventualities.’
    *
    The city of the dead lay before Teppic. After Ankh-Morpork, which was almost its direct opposite (in Ankh, even the bedding was alive) it was probably the biggest city on the Disc.
    † It was quite a big frog, however, and got into the air ducts and kept everyone awake for weeks.

 
    T HIS is where the dragons went. They lie … not dead, not asleep, but… dormant. And although the space they occupy isn’t like normal space, nevertheless they are packed in tightly. They could put you in mind of a can of sardines, if you thought sardines were huge and scaly. And presumably, somewhere, there’s a key…
    The Library was the greatest assemblage of magical texts anywhere in the multiverse. Thousands of volumes of occult lore weighted its shelves.
    It was said that, since vast amounts of magic can seriously distort the mundane world, the Library did not obey the normal rules of space and time. It was said that it went on forever. It was said that you could wander for days among the distant shelves, and that there were lost tribes of research students somewhere in there.
    Wise students in search of more distant volumes took care to leave chalk marks on the shelves as they roamed deeper into the fusty darkness, and told friends to come looking