The Wit And Wisdom Of Discworld

Slot. ‘My best cow’s been taken mortally sick, too.’
    ‘Oh? You have a cowshed?’ said Granny. ‘Very good place for a sickroom, a cowshed. It’s the warmth. You better show me where it is.’
    You want to take the boy down there?’
    ‘Right now.’
    The man looked at his wife, and shrugged. ‘Well, I’m sure you know your business best,’ he said. ‘It’s this way’
    He led the witches down some back stairs and across a yard and into the fetid sweet air of the byre. A cow was stretched out on the straw. It rolled an eye madly as they entered, and tried to moo.
    Granny took in the scene and stood looking thoughtful for a moment.
    Then she said, ‘This will do.’
    ‘What do you need?’ said Slot.
    ‘All I shall require is a candle,’ said Granny. ‘A new one, for preference.’
    ‘That’s all?’
    ‘And some matches,’ said Granny. A pack of cards might be useful, too.’
    The child was brought down in a blanket and made as comfortable as possible.
    ‘You just leave me in here tonight. And no one is to come in, right? No matter what.’
    The mother gave a worried curtsey. ‘But I thought I might look in about midn—’
    ‘No one. Now, off you go.’
    Granny closed the door.
    She spent some time arranging boxes and barrels so that she had a crude table and something to sit on. The air was warm and smelled of bovine flatulence. Periodically she checked the health of both patients, although there was little enough to check.
    She waited a little longer and then lit the candle. Its cheery flame gave the place a warm and comforting glow.
    After some immeasurable piece of time the flame flickered. It would have passed unnoticed by anyone who hadn’t been concentrating on it for some while.
    She took a deep breath and—
    ‘Good morning,’ said Granny Weatherwax.
    G OOD MORNING , said a voice by her ear.
    Granny breathed out, slowly.
    ‘Come and sit where I can see you. That’s good manners. And let me tell you right now that I ain’t at all afraid of you.’
    The tall, black-robed figure walked across the floor and sat down on a handy barrel, leaning its scythe against the wall. Then it pushed back its hood. Granny folded her arms and stared calmly at the visitor, meeting his gaze eye-to-socket.
    Death leaned forward. The candlelight raised new shadows on his skull.
    C OURAGE IS EASY BY CANDLELIGHT . Y OUR FAITH , I SUSPECT, IS IN THE FLAME .
    Granny leaned forward, and blew out the candle. Then she folded her arms again and stared fiercely ahead of her.
    After some length of time a voice said, All right, you’ve made your point.
    Granny lit a match. Its flare illuminated the skull opposite, which hadn’t moved.
    ‘Fair enough,’ she said, as she relit the candle. ‘We don’t want to be sittinghere all night, do we? How many have you come for?’
    O NE .
    ‘The cow?’
    Death shook his head.
    ‘It could be the cow.’
    N O . T HAT WOULD BE CHANGING HISTORY .
    ‘History is about things changing.’
    N O .
    Granny sat back.
    ‘Then I challenge you to a game. That’s traditional. That’s allowed.’
    Death was silent for a moment.
    T HIS IS TRUE .
    ‘Good.’
    H OWEVER … Y OU UNDERSTAND THAT TO WIN ALL YOU MUST GAMBLE ALL ?
    ‘Double or quits? Yes, I know.’
    B UT NOT CHESS.
    ‘Can’t abide chess.’
    O R C RIPPLE M R O NION . I’ VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO UNDERSTAND THE RULES .
    ‘Very well. How about one hand of poker? Five cards each, no draws? Sudden death, as they say’
    Death thought about this, too.
    Y OU KNOW THIS FAMILY ?
    No.
    T HEN WHY ?
    ‘Are we talking or are we playing?’
    O H, VERY WELL.
    Granny picked up the pack of cards and shuffled it, not looking at her hands, and smiling at Death all the time. She dealt five cards each.
    Granny looked at her cards, and threw them down.
    F OUR QUEENS . H MM . T HAT IS VERY HIGH.
    Death looked down at his cards, and then up into Granny’s steady, blue-eyed gaze.
    Neither moved for some time.
    Then Death laid the hand on the table.
    I LOSE, he said. A ll I HAVE IS FOUR O NES .
    He looked back into Granny’s eyes for a moment. There was a blue glow in the depth of his eye-sockets. Maybe, for the merest fraction of a second, barely noticeable even to the closest observation, one winked off.
    Granny nodded, and extended a hand.
    She prided herself on the ability to judge people by their gaze and their handshake, which in this case was a rather chilly one.
    ‘Take the cow,’ she said.
    I T IS A VALUABLE CREATURE