The Wit And Wisdom Of Discworld

to the committee process, is as near Mr Windling as makes no difference. And something that distinguishes the Mr Windlings of the universe is the term ‘in my humble opinion’, which they think adds weight to their statements rather than indicating, in reality, ‘these are the mean little views of someone with the social grace of duckweed’.
    *
    Classically, very few people have considered that cleanliness is next to godliness, apart from in a very sternly abridged dictionary. A rank loincloth and hair in an advanced state of matted entanglement have generally been the badges of office of prophets whose injunction to disdain earthly things starts with soap.
    *
    ‘You don’t think a dress like this would be a bit … forward, do you?’ said Sacharissa, holding the dress against herself.
    Rocky looked worried.
    You’re quite a lot forward already’ he opined.

    Sacharissa’s knowledge of vintages extended just as far as knowing that Chateau Maison was a very popular wine.

    Sacharissa pulled a brown leather wallet out of the jacket.
    ‘Any clue to who he is?’ said William.
    ‘Er … there’s something done on the leather in pokerwork,’ said Sacharissa.
    ‘What does it say?’
    ‘ “Not A Very Nice Person At All”,’ she read. ‘I wonder what kind of person would put that on a wallet?’
    ‘Someone who wasn’t a very nice person,’ said William.
    Death sighed and shook his head.
    W HO KNOWS WHAT EVIL LURKS IN THE HEART OF MEN?
    The Death of Rats looked up.
    S QUEAK, he said.
    Death waved a hand dismissively W ELL, YES, OBVIOUSLY ME, he said. I JUST WONDERED IF THERE WAS ANYONE ELSE.
    *
    ‘Oh, I see,’ said Lord Vetinari. ‘You mean you should be free to print what you like?’
    ‘Well … broadly, yes, sir.’
    ‘Because that’s in the public interest?’
    ‘I think so, sir.’
    ‘Stories about man-eating goldfish and people’s husbands disappearing in big silver dishes?’
    ‘No, sir. That’s what the public is interested in. We do the other stuff, sir.’
    ‘Amusingly shaped vegetables?’
    ‘Well, a bit of that, sir. Sacharissa calls them human interest stories.’
    ‘About vegetables and animals?’
    ‘Yes, sir.’
    ‘So … we have what the people are interested in, and human interest stories, which is what humans are interested in, and the public interest, which no one is interested in.’
    ‘Except the public, sir,’ said William, trying to keep up.
    ‘Which isn’t the same as people and humans?’
    ‘I think it’s more complicated than that, sir.’
    ‘Obviously Do you mean that the public is a different thing from the people you just see walking about the place? The public thinks big, sensible, measured thoughts while people run around doing silly things?’
    ‘I think so. I may have to work on that idea too, I admit.’
    *
    ‘I’m sure we can pull together, sir.’
    Lord Vetinari raised his eyebrows. ‘Oh, I do hope not, I really do hope not. Pulling together is the aim of despotism and tyranny. Free men pull in all kinds of directions.’ He smiled. ‘It’s the only way to make progress.’
    *
    You think that’s really true?’ William said.
    Sacharissa shrugged. ‘Really true? Who knows? This is a newspaper, isn’t it? It just has to be true until tomorrow.’

 
    T IME is a resource. Everyone knows it has to be managed.
    And on Discworld that is the job of the Monks of History, who store it and pump it from the places where it’s wasted (like Underwater – how much time does a codfish need?) to places like cities, where there’s never enough time.
    But the construction of the world’s first truly accurate clock starts a race against, well, time for Lu-Tze and his apprentice Lobsang Ludd. Because it will stop time. And that will only be the start of everyone’s problems.
    Complete with a full supporting cast of heroes and villains, yetis, martial artists and Ronnie, the fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse (who left before they became famous).
    ‘She has told me everything,’ said Wen. ‘I know that time was made for men, not the other way round. I have learned how to shape it and bend it. I know how to make a moment last for ever, because it already has. And I can teach these skills even to you, Clodpool. I have heard the heartbeat of the universe. I know the answers to many questions. Ask me.’
    The apprentice gave him a bleary look.
    ‘Er … what does master want for breakfast?’ he said.
    Wen looked down from their camp and across the