Thief of Time

beaters. Some of these animals were arranged in groups. Quite small groups, of quite small animals.
    There were frogs, seated around a tiny dining table. There were dogs, dressed in hunting jackets, in pursuit of a fox wearing a cap with feathers in it. There was a monkey, playing a banjo.
    “Oh, no, it’s an entire band,” said Susan in tones of horrified astonishment.
    “And just look at the little kittens dancing…”
    “Horrible!”
    “I wonder what happened when the man who did this met my grandfather…”
    “Would he have met your grandfather?”
    “Oh yes,” said Susan. “Oh, yes. And my grandfather is rather fond of cats.”
    Lobsang paused at the foot of staircase, half hidden behind a luckless elephant. A red rope, now hard as a bar, suggested that this wasn’t part of the public museum. There was an added hint in the shape of a notice saying: “Absolutely No Admittance.”
    “I should be up there,” he said.
    “Let’s not hang around, then, eh?” said Susan, leaping over the rope.
    The narrow stairs led up into a large bare landing. Boxes were stacked here and there.
    “The attics,” said Susan. “Hold on…what’s that sign for?”
    “‘Keep left,’” Lobsang read. “Well, if they have to move heavy items around—”
    “ Look at the sign, will you?” said Susan. “Don’t see what you expect to see, see what’s in front of you!”
    Lobsang looked.

    “What a stupid sign,” he said.
    “Hmm. Interesting, certainly,” said Susan. “Which way do you think we should go? I don’t think it’ll take them too long to decide to follow us.”
    “We’re so close! Any passage might do!” said Lobsang.
    “Any passage it is, then.”
    Susan headed for a narrow gap between packing cases. Lobsang followed.
    “What do you mean, decide?” he said, as they entered the gloom.
    “The sign on the stairs said there was no admittance.”
    “You mean they’ll disobey it?” He stopped.
    “Eventually. But they’ll have a terrible feeling that they ought not to. They obey rules. They are the rules, in a way.”
    “But you can’t obey the Keep Left/Right sign, no matter what you do…oh, I see…”
    “Isn’t learning fun? Oh, and here’s another one.”
    DO NOT FEED THE ELEPHANT
    “Now that,” said Susan, “is good. You can’t obey it…”
    “…because there’s no elephant,” said Lobsang. “I think I’m getting the hang of this…”
    “It’s an Auditor trap,” said Susan, peering at a packing case.
    “Here’s another good one,” said Lobsang.
    IGNORE THIS SIGN.
By order
    “Nice touch,” Susan agreed, “but I’m wondering…who put up the signs?”
    There were voices, someone behind them. They were low, but then one was suddenly raised.
    “—says Left but points Right! It has no sense!”
    “The fault is yours! We disobeyed the first sign! Woe to them that stray onto the pathway of irregularity!”
    “Don’t you give me that, you organic thing! I raise my voice at you, you—”
    There was a soft sound, a choking noise, and a scream that Dopplered into nothing.
    “Are they fighting one another?” said Lobsang.
    “We can only hope so. Let’s move,” said Susan. They crept on, weaving through the maze of spaces between the crates, and past a sign saying:
    DUCK
    “Ah…now we’re getting metaphysical,” said Susan.
    “Why duck?” said Lobsang.
    “Why indeed.”
    Somewhere among the cases a voice reached the end of its tether.
    “What organic damn elephant? Where is the elephant?”
    “There is no elephant!”
    “How can there be a sign, then?”
    “It is a— ”…And once again the little choke and the vanishing scream. And then…running footsteps.
    Susan and Lobsang backed into the shadows, and then Susan said, “What have I put my foot in?”
    She reached down and picked up the soft, sticky mess. And as she rose, she saw the Auditor come around the corner.
    It was wild-eyed and frantic. It focused on the pair of them with difficulty, as if trying to remember who and what they were. But it was holding a sword, and holding it correctly.
    A figure rose up behind it. One hand grabbed it by the hair and jerked its head back. The other was thrust over its open mouth.
    The Auditor struggled for a moment, and then went rigid.
    And then disintegrated, tiny particles spinning away and disappearing into nothing.
    For a moment the last few handfuls tried to form, in the air, the shape of a small cowled figure. Then it, too, was dragged apart,