Tony Hill u Carol Jordan 08 - Cross and Burn

cop. If she’d taken matters into her own hands instead of relying on Tony to come up with answers. If she’d forewarned Michael that a man on the loose had his own twisted reasons to wreak vengeance on her. If, if, if.
    But none of those things had happened. And so her brother and the woman he loved had been butchered in the barn they’d restored with their own labour. A place with walls three feet thick, where they had every right to feel safe. And nothing in her life was untainted by that single terrible event.
    She’d always found much of her self-definition in her work. It was, she had thought, the best of her. A clear channel for her intelligence, it offered a place where her dogged determination was valued. Her ability to recall verbatim anything she’d heard had a practical application. And she’d discovered she had the knack of inspiring loyalty in the officers she worked with. Carol had taken pride in being a cop. And now she had cut herself adrift from all that.
    She’d already handed in her notice with Bradfield Metropolitan Police when Michael and Lucy had been murdered. She’d been about to take up a new post as a Detective Chief Inspector with West Mercia. She’d burned her bridges there and she didn’t care. She’d also been planning to take a deep breath and share the sprawling Edwardian house in Worcester that Tony had unexpectedly inherited. But that dream was over too, her personal life as much a victim of a brutal killer as her professional life.
    Homeless and jobless, Carol had returned to her parents’ house. Home, according to popular mythology, was where they were supposed to take you in when all else failed. It seemed her judgement had missed the mark there too. Her parents hadn’t turned her away, that much was true. Nor had they openly blamed her brother’s death on her choices. But her father’s silent misery and her mother’s sharpness had been perpetual reproaches. She’d stuck it out for a couple of weeks, then she’d repacked her bags and left.
    All she’d left behind was her beloved cat Nelson. Tony had once joked that her relationship with the black cat was the only functional one in her life. The trouble was, that was too close to the bone to be funny. But Nelson was old now. Too old to be stuffed in a cat carrier and traipsed round the country from pillar to post. And her mother was better able to be kind to the cat than she was to Carol. So Nelson stayed and she went.
    She still owned a flat in London but it had been so long since she’d lived there, it no longer felt like home. Besides, the difference between her mortgage payments and the rent from her long-term tenant was all she had to live on until the lawyers were done picking over the remnants of Michael’s life. Which left her with a single option.
    According to Michael’s will, in the absence of Lucy, Carol inherited his estate. The barn was in his sole name; their house in France had belonged to Lucy. So once probate had been granted, the barn would be hers, blood and ghosts and all. Most people would have hired industrial cleaners, redecorated what couldn’t be cleaned, and sold the place to some off-comer ignorant of the barn’s recent history.
    Carol Jordan wasn’t most people. Fractured and fragile as she was, she held fast to the determination that had dragged her through disasters before. And so she’d made a plan. This was her attempt at carrying it out.
    She would remove every trace of what had happened here and refashion the barn into a place where she could live. A kind of reconciliation, that’s what she was aiming for. Deep down, she didn’t think it was a likely outcome. But she couldn’t come up with anything else to aim for and it was a project that would keep her occupied. Hard physical work during the days to make her sleep at night. And if that didn’t work, there was always the vodka bottle.
    Some days, she felt like the writer in residence at the DIY warehouse, her shopping list a liturgy of items newly discovered, laid out on the page like a sequence of haikus. But she made sense of the dense poetry of home improvement and mastered unfamiliar tools and new techniques. Slowly but inevitably, she was erasing the physical history of the place. She didn’t know whether that would bring her soul any ease. Once upon a time she would have been able to ask Tony Hill’s opinion. But that wasn’t an option now. She’d just have to learn to be her own therapist.
    Carol snapped