Towering

face, and she was still there, standing there beside me, warming the other side. “Um, can you hand me the poker?”
    When she did, our hands brushed for an instant. I didn’t feel the spark I wanted. She was pretty and she was nice, but she wasn’t Nikki. I didn’t even know what I wanted, maybe Nikki, maybe no one. But I didn’t want to live with my ghosts forever.
    “Hey, City Boy.” Josh threw a corn chip at me. “I don’t know how you make a fire on Lawn Guyland where you’re from, but here in the freezing north, we do it a little faster.”
    “Yes, sir.” I seized the poker and began moving the logs around until something caught and suddenly there was a good blaze going.
    Now, people were splitting off into couples. Astrid and I moved to a chair by the window, far from the fire and everyone, where she said we could talk. But in ten minutes, we were making out, and I had my tongue in her mouth, my hand up her shirt, and she was pressing against me in a way that could have felt really good if there weren’t all these people here. And if I didn’t feel so dead inside.
    I kissed her again. Around me, everyone else was making out too, like it was required. I kissed her, long and hard to get all the voices in my head to stop. I fumbled with her clothes and tried to just go with it. Be normal. Maybe if you acted normal, if you pretended everything was normal, it would be again.
    Soon, Josh announced that it was almost midnight. We stood to do the countdown, and I kissed Astrid’s bruised lips even though at that point, it was a little redundant. Then, a little while later, someone said we should get going.
    I agreed and put on my coat, then helped Astrid with hers.
    Then, as the door opened, I heard it again. The voice. A girl’s voice. I didn’t say anything, though. I knew not to, in case I was crazy. But I glanced in the direction it had come from, and I saw something high among the trees. A light.
    Probably just the moon. Or a planet .
    I knew it wasn’t a planet, though. It was bigger than a planet, and lower. But, obviously, I was hallucinating.
    Astrid took my hand and pulled me down the path, but I knew I had to come back. Tomorrow. I had to find out what it was.
    When we got to the car, Astrid tried to get me to sit in the back, with her on my lap, but I offered to drive. “I think we’re the only ones that aren’t wasted, right?” I said to Josh.
    Astrid pouted, but Josh handed me his keys.
    “Are you sure?” she said, taking the seat behind me.
    “Lot of crazy people out on New Year’s. Kids get killed all the time.” I also wanted to make sure I knew the way back here. “Besides, I’d rather be alone with you, not in a car full of people.”
    “I understand.” But then, she leaned forward and kissed my ear.
    “I have to turn this thing around. It’s hard with the trees.”
    I somehow managed to do a three-point turn in the middle of a forest, and drove a long way toward the road. When I finally reached the main route, I looked at the name of the street I’d turned off of. Dickinson. I wondered who Dickinson was, some founding father of this crap town, or was it someone loftier, like the poet? Josh said to turn right, which was south, so I knew the cabin was even farther north. Then, I saw a sign that said Grouse Lake, and I remembered that was what Josh had said the name of the lake was.
    Astrid lived closest to town, so I dropped her off last, except for Josh. She made me get out of the car. “So, are we going skiing tomorrow?” She giggled. “I mean, today?”
    I thought fast. “I might be a little, um, tired.”
    “But we’re going, right?” Her voice had an edge like an ice-skate blade.
    “Oh, absolutely. Just, maybe, tomorrow.”
    “You’ll call me? Or I could call you?”
    “My cell doesn’t work up here. Let me get your number. I’ll call you from Mrs. G’s landline.”
    We exchanged numbers, and Astrid went inside. I dropped Josh off next, promising to bring the car back the next day. “Hey, your hinges are in too,” he said.
    When I got to the house, the path was covered with a fresh dusting of snow. I’d have to shovel it again. I fumbled for the key, and as I did, I heard a sound in the distant north. Singing. But that was impossible.
    Maybe I was crazy.
    But if I was, I might as well find out.
    Even though it was after two in the morning, I couldn’t sleep. I lay in bed, listening to the wind outside. It howled like a lost soul. I wished I’d