Unbroken
new nugget of indecision to all my worry. As I leave the coast further behind, heading towards the city, I find myself wondering if maybe my best friend is right. Maybe I shouldn’t tell Daniel. What good would it do now, anyway? If Emerson really is in my past, then how will dragging it all up again make any difference—except from wrecking the future I’ve worked so hard to build?
For the first time, I find myself wishing that I’d come clean from the start, and told Daniel just how intense that summer really was. Maybe if he’d known that all along how much I loved Emerson, then he could understand the strange power my ex has over me even now. I sigh. It’s way too late for that. And besides, Daniel wouldn’t believe it, even if I tried. He’s never seen that side to me, not even close. The Juliet he knows is reserved and thoughtful, not recklessly wanton. I never wanted to be that girl with him. It took three months of dating before I’d sleep with him, another six before I said, ‘I love you’. Our sex life is good, sure, but it’s regular—sweet, and tender, not wild or burning up out-of-control. I thought I was past all that. I figured, that was just about being eighteen, and inexperienced, where everything felt so new and dangerous. A real, adult relationship doesn’t have those highs, but it wouldn’t send me plummeting into the abyss of lows either.
No, I realize with a sinking heart that Daniel would never understand. He could never imagine I could come undone from a single touch, or just the look of passion in a man’s eyes. He’d think I chose this: that I set out to cheat, and hurt him, with a clear mind. Like it was ever a conscious decision to fall into Emerson’s embrace.
So that’s it then, I realize, as the city comes into view. Lacey’s right. Hurting Daniel isn’t worth it just to absolve myself of my own, crushing sense of guilt. Not when this is a one-time mistake, and not ever going to happen again. It’s a burden I’ll bear alone. My future is here with Daniel. Cedar Cove and Emerson are all in my past.
They have to be.
* * *
I park on the street and let myself up to Lacey and my apartment. We’re off-campus, in a busy neighborhood, and when I walk in the front door, I find that Lacey has left the place in a messy whirlwind: dirty dishes in the sink and textbooks abandoned in a study nook on the floor.
I head to the bathroom, and run the shower hot; stripping off my shorts and pajama shirt, and stepping under the jets of water as if I can blast all memories of Cedar Cove off my skin with the trickle of sand down the drain. I lean against the tile, letting the hot water beat away at my body. It’s been over twelve hours since Emerson’s hands were running over me, but I can still feel the imprint they left behind.
The desire that shocked through me like lightening…
No. I scold myself. There’s no room for that in my mind, not now I’m back in the city. The only way I can keep my life together is if I scrub him out of my system for good. So, I try my best: lathering shampoo in my hair, and rubbing briskly at every inch of flesh with a loofah until my whole body is raw and fresh again.
In my room, I dry off, and lay out a new outfit. A preppy pencil skirt and silk blouse—a million miles away from anything I’d wear at the beach. I blow-dry my hair into a neat cascade, apply makeup, and fasten on the pretty gold and sapphire studs that Daniel gave me for our one-year anniversary. I look like my old self again: cool, collected.
Back in control.
I drive over to the college campus, and head to the law library. Daniel will have spent the morning in study sessions, but he takes a break for lunch around this time every day. I settle in to wait on one of the benches outside the library entrance, but it’s only a few minutes before he emerges, looking tired and distracted.
“Hey, babe!” I wave him over, and he brightens, just at the sight of me.
“Juliet, what are you doing here?” He sweeps me into a hug, and lands a soft kiss on my forehead, grinning. “You said you’d be all week.”
“I know,” I hug him tight, relieved at the feel of his body against mine. Safe. Secure “But I missed you. And, I need to check in with one of my professors about review notes,” I add, to cover for my unexpected return.
“Are you heading back today?” Daniel asks, looking down at me. His brown hair is cut neatly in a stylish cut, and even on a study
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