Under the Dusty Sky (Holloway Farms)

wanted to see what it’s like. To have a taste of the working man’s life, to not have the security of knowing I always have the biggest trust fund of all my quasi-famous friends.
    I meet up with Gracie’s dad in the hay fields after I get the call that the swather is dead. I have no clue what that means. When I reach the huge four-wheel drive tractor on the quad, Carter is just climbing down to meet me.
    “ Ben!” He hollers with a wide grin. He’s got to be the nicest, most honest man I’ve ever met. It throws me off every time I talk to him.
    “ Hey, Carter, How’s the battle?” I shake his hand because that what he likes to do.
    “ Oh, you know. Getting my ass kicked by mother nature, and now this.” He gestures to the machine behind him.
    We walk down the row of tall dry grass, which is up to my waist. This man is massive and terrifying until you see him in the field and all that toughness just fades. He walks slowly, his thick arms stretched out and his hand brushing the grass like a kid would do. Every so often he plucks a stem and inspects it. Turning it over in his hands, rolling it between his fingers, putting it in his mouth and spitting it out. He loves this. A child-like love of the field and his farm.
    He rambles off a bunch of things that need to happen now, and still my job is basically to lift stuff from one place to another place, then drive it to the yard and lift it somewhere else. Going to the gym everyday since I was fourteen did not prepare me for this. This is real work, where I have to actually use my muscles instead of just having them to look good on camera or film or posters or album covers or where ever else my mom could pimp me out after my dad died.
    Carter smiles and laughs at his own farming jokes. I don’t get them at all, but I play like I do. The longer I walk with him, the heavier I become. The farther the knife of my fate digs deeper into me, twisting painfully. I’m jealous. Jealous of this man who loves his life, even when all his shit breaks down. Who lives each day with passion for what he does, with knowledge of every aspect of his career, with the deepest adoration of his children.
    I definitely don’t want to be a farmer, but if I can have a fraction of the passion he shows, I’ll be happy. If I can live even a little bit more honestly and openly, like Carter does, I feel like this constant uneasy feeling will lift.
    “ So you’re up for taking a look at the swather then?” Carter asks on the way back to the vehicles. I snap out of my thoughts. I only half heard most of what he said.
    “ Yeah, I don’t ever work on large engines, but I’m guessing it won’t hurt. They have basically the same idea.” I grin, and Carter slaps me on the back.
    “ Good. You just let me know what you find out. You might as well wait ‘til the weekend because Thursday’s Gracie’s birthday and Friday I won’t be around for most of the day. I’ll be in town.” He clears his throat and shifts slightly. I look sideways at him.
    “ Hot date?”
    His eyes get wider, and he smiles.
    “ You might say that.”
    “ Way to go, boss. I’ll make sure I get to it Friday then. You say Asher knows how to operate all the equipment? So if I have questions?”
    He nods, and we turn away from each other.
    “ Hey, Ben?” he says, and I face him.
    “ Yeah?”
    “ Can you maybe not tell Gracie about Friday? She’s so sensitive to these things. She had a near apocalyptic melt down when Hunter first brought Emma home. I want to be sure I’m doing the right thing before I tell Gracie, you know?”
    I have a million questions on my tongue. Mostly about why everyone won’t just tell Gracie to get over herself. But what I say is, “Yeah, sure. No problem.”
    I think about Gracie the entire ride back. How pissed she was when we had to put the car on hold to harvest. How we have to go to town today to get all the parts to replace the clutch, then tomorrow we put it together, then the next day I teach her to drive, then it’s her birthday, then I have to distract her while her dad ducks out to go on a date. I’m starting to think everything on this farm revolves around Graceland. Everyone lies to keep Gracie happy. It’s too familiar. She’s too familiar.
    I don’t shake her from my mind until I get into the house, and then I think of nothing other than the shower. It doesn’t last.
    I pass the bathroom on the way to my room, which is Hunter’s old room, just as Gracie opens