Under the Dusty Sky (Holloway Farms)

lip. This strange floating, trembling, sinking, tingling feeling spreads through me as he pulls into the hardware store parking lot and stops Dad’s truck. I’ve never felt this before, and I can’t describe it right, but it only happens when he looks at me. I feel like when his eyes settle on me I want everything else to disappear. I want all my anger and fear to just disappear. I want my mom’s journal and that poem to disappear.
    “ Gracie? You just gunna sit there or what?” Bentley’s out of the truck and leaning through the open window. I jump as his voice pierces my fuzzy bubble of unknown emotions. I shake it off quickly and jump out of the truck.
    ***
    It doesn’t take long to get the parts we need, but it feels like a million years. Jake, the owner of Jake’s hardware and the drummer of the lone town band, wants to do an instant replay of every song that Ben played with them. They talk about the weather, of course, and then we leave. We’re finally parked in front of Lacy’s place, and I reach in the back for my night bag. I catch Ben checking me out as I lean into the back seat. Spinning to face him, I crawl across the bench seat and kneel beside him. The smile drops from his face, and he leans away from me.
    “ Gracie, what are you doing?” His voice is even, but his head flicks as if he’s checking to see if anyone’s looking.
    I turn my head so my cheek faces him. “Kiss me,” I say.
    He doesn’t say anything.
    “ You have to kiss me every time we know each other better until you know me well enough to kiss me the way I want you to. The way you were supposed to,” I continue.
    “ Oh, do I?” His voice is back to amused. “I didn’t know that was part of the rules?”
    “ You don’t follow rules, so why should I?”
    He takes my chin in his hand like he did last time and gently turns my head toward him. He leans forward and presses his lips to my forehead, and that warm, tingly, vibratey, floaty, sinky feeling overtakes me again.
    He leans back and laughs, “You’re gunna be the end of me, you know that?”
    I slide back and hop out of the truck, slamming the door and stepping up on the runner to lean through the window.
    “ No, Ben. I’m gunna be the beginning of you.” I grab my bag and jump down to the driveway. He’s watching me, his jaw slack and mouth hanging open. I don’t know why I said it, or even what it means, but I was motivated by that strange new thing that happens when he’s around. What I do know is, I like when his face shows things that are happening inside him, especially when I feel like he’s not used to it. I like the idea that it could just be me who can bring it out.
    ***
    It feels so good to be let off farm duty. I feel rested, stretched out, but still completely sun-baked. Flipping closed the magazine I’m reading, I roll over on my towel in front of Lacy’s pool and lay the mag over my face.
    “ What do you want to do tonight?” Lacy asks from somewhere beyond the sticky pages covering my eyes.
    I shrug.
    “ Whatever. Don’t matter to me.”
    “ I think Kels and them are heading out to the Dustbowl later. We could go there. They’ll be drinking, though. They’re always drinking.”
    I shrug again.
    “ Let’s do it.” Pushing the magazine to the side, I sit up and let my eyes adjust to the scorching sun. “But I have to eat something before I pass out. This heat is stupid.”
    “ The driest summer in twenty some years, I hear,” Lacy says, brushing little bits of towel fuzz off her legs. I burst out laughing, and she throws her hands out and glares.
    “ You spend way to much time with my family, Bear,” I say.
    “ No, I just happen to enjoy my life. I embrace where I’m from. I love my history.”
    I hate when she gets preachy.
    “ Yeah, because you’re banging my brother,” I say as nonchalantly as I can and watch her whole face turn the most vibrant red.
    “ I AM NOT!” She screeches, and I pull her into a big hug.
    “ Jesus, don’t explode. I was just kidding. If you are, I don’t ever want to know about it. Ever. Seriously.”
    She pulls from my hug and shakes her head, “You are just a bitch. A total bitch.”
    “ But you love me. See we’re like sisters already.”
    Lacy just walks away, and I laugh.
    “ Lac-y!” I call after her. I can hear her laughing.
    “ I hate you,” she mumbles loud enough for me to hear.
    “ See. Sisters.”
    I scoop up the towels and run to catch up to her just as she steps