Up Till Now: The Autobiography

broadcast on the USA network. I directed the pilot.
    I’ll bet you’re beginning to wonder how this leads to my career in professional wrestling. Here’s a hint: Regis Philbin.
    Our budget for three movies was less than the budget for a Movie of the Week shot in Los Angeles. So we had to do everything possible to save money. I did, for example, create the most inexpensive elaborate computer in history. The computer was central to our plots. We needed a computer that actually could exist a half-century from now that we could use throughout the series. It was a central reference point so it had to look spectacular—and it had to cost about the same as a laptop. What I imagined was a highly complex three-dimensional computer that would project its own image 360 degrees around the operator—a holographic computer. It would be there, it would produce images, but the audience wouldn’t see it. The computer operator would reach behind him and manipulate an invisible switch, then turn and reach over there, just as if he was surrounded by a huge console. This was a truly amazing computer. Unlike games,it has a real computer keybo...Well, actually that was the Commodore Vic-20, this computer didn’t have a real computer keyboard. But to make the operator’s gestures look plausible, I brought in a dance choreographer and a sign language expert to work with him on his movements.
    We had to figure out some way to demonstrate the extraordinary power of Tek. What would people look like in the middle of a fantasy they believed to be true? In one scene Cardigan’s son was supposed to be drugged. I was working with an inexperienced child actor and I needed him to show complete euphoria. Finally I suggested, “I want you to look as if you’re seeing the sunrise for the first time.” Go ahead, try it yourself—and you’re Tekked!
    Greg Evigan, who had starred in B.J. and the Bear, played Cardigan. Greg was terrific in it. I played his boss. We shot wherever we found a viable location. Viable meaning free. For one scene, in fact, we needed a location where homeless people would sleep—and our location manager discovered the worst place I’ve been in my life. It was an enormous abandoned warehouse complex, a huge open room with cement walls and a cement floor. All the windows were smashed, enabling sunlight to stream in. Almost every foot of floor space was covered with cardboard pallets, large cardboard boxes that had been broken apart and spread open so the homeless could use them as bunks. Every disgusting thing you can imagine littered the floor. The stench was suffocating. As I walked through the place I could feel the filth right through the soles of my running shoes, I could almost feel the bacteria eating through them. When I left that place we just had to throw them away.
    “This is fabulous,” I said excitedly when I saw it. It was so awful I couldn’t wait to shoot there. The decay was so visual. The light was perfect. It was a perfect location. We shot all over Toronto. That city has a large number of abandoned sugar silos—we built sets inside one of them and it became our prison. We found an abandoned fivefloor oil-cracking plant. Our character was supposed to be larger than life, a man with magical powers, so I put him on the fifth-floor balcony, then suddenly he appeared on the third-floor balcony, thenhe was standing on the ground. It was definitely movie magic. We completed the first film on time and only slightly over budget.
    Before the first film was broadcast the USA Network wanted me to do publicity for it. Publicity? Shatner? Promote something on TV? Could I possibly overcome my shyness and appear on television? Let me think about it for a second. Okay, I’d love to do it. During my career I’ve appeared on almost every possible TV show to promote my projects. You’ve got a crystal set? How many rooms of your house do you reach? I’ll be there. Regis and Kathie Lee, Sally Jesse Raphael, Dennis Miller, John Tesh, Pat Sajak, Sonya, Merv Griffin, Jay Leno, Max Headroom, David Letterman, Conan O’Brien, I’ve done them all. To promote TekWar I did Regis and Pat Sajak, Dennis Miller, all the usual shows. And then the USA Network told me with great excitement that they were able to book me on their most popular show...
    Hmm, I wondered, now what would be the most popular show on the USA Network?
    “We’re putting you on the WWF! It’s the perfect target audience for the movie.” And that is