Villette

fastened the casement, though it was a hot day, and free circulation of air was usually regarded by her as indispensable. Why this precaution? A keen suspicion, an almost fierce distrust, suggested such question. Did she want to exclude sound? what sound?
    I listened as I had never listened before; I listened like the evening and winter-wolf, snuffing the snow, scenting prey, and hearing far off the traveller's tramp. Yet I could both listen and write. About the middle of the letter I heard – what checked my pen – a tread in the vestibule. No door-bell had rung; Rosine – acting doubtless by orders – had anticipated such réveillée. Madame saw me halt. She coughed, made a bustle, spoke louder. The tread had passed on to the classes.
    »Proceed,« said Madame; but my hand was fettered, my ear enchained, my thoughts were carried off captive.
    The classes formed another building; the hall parted them from the dwelling-house: despite distance and partition, I heard the sudden stir of numbers, a whole division rising at once.
    »They are putting away work,« said Madame.
    It was indeed the hour to put away work, but why that sudden hush – that instant quell of the tumult?
    »Wait, madame – I will see what it is.«
    And I put down my pen and left her. Left her? No: she would not be left: powerless to detain me, she rose and followed, close as my shadow. I turned on the last step of the stair: –
    »Are you coming too?« I asked.
    »Yes,« said she; meeting my glance with a peculiar aspect – a look, clouded, yet resolute. We proceeded then, not together, but she walked in my steps.
    He was come. Entering the first classe, I saw him. There, once more appeared the form most familiar. I doubt not they had tried to keep him away, but he was come.
    The girls stood in a semi-circle; he was passing round, giving his farewells, pressing each hand, touching with his lips each cheek. This last ceremony, foreign custom permitted at such a parting – so solemn, to last so long.
    I felt it hard that Madame Beck should dog me thus; following and watching me close; my neck and shoulder shrunk in fever under her breath; I became terribly goaded.
    He was approaching; the semi-circle was almost travelled round; he came to the last pupil; he turned. But Madame was before me; she had stepped out suddenly; she seemed to magnify her proportions and amplify her drapery; she eclipsed me; I was hid. She knew my weakness and deficiency; she could calculate the degree of moral paralysis – the total default of self-assertion – with which, in a crisis, I could be struck. She hastened to her kinsman, she broke upon him volubly, she mastered his attention, she hurried him to the door – the glass-door opening on the garden. I think he looked round; could I but have caught his eye, courage, I think, would have rushed in to aid feeling, and there would have been a charge, and, perhaps a rescue; but already the room was all confusion, the semi-circle broken into groups, my figure was lost among thirty more conspicuous. Madame had her will; yes, she got him away, and he had not seen me; he thought me absent. Five o'clock struck, the loud dismissal bell rung, the school separated, the room emptied.
    There seems, to my memory, an entire darkness and distraction in some certain minutes I then passed alone – a grief inexpressible over a loss unendurable.
What
should I do; oh!
what
should I do; when all my life's hope was thus torn by the roots out of my riven, outraged heart?
    What I
should
have done, I know not, when a little child – the least child in the school – broke with its simplicity and its unconsciousness into the raging yet silent centre of that inward conflict.
    »Mademoiselle,« lisped the treble voice, »I am to give you that. M. Paul said I was to seek you all over the house, from the grenier to the cellar, and when I found you, to give you that.«
    And the child delivered a note; the little dove dropped on my knee, its olive-leaf plucked off. I found neither address nor name, only these words: –
    »It was not my intention to take leave of you when I said good-bye to the rest, but I hoped to see you in classe. I was disappointed. The interview is deferred. Be ready for me. Ere I sail, I must see you at leisure, and speak with you at length. Be ready; my moments are numbered, and, just now, monopolized; besides I have a private business on hand which I will not share with any, nor communicate – even to you. –