Villette

I could not do with their tears, or that gasping sound; I could not bear it. A rather weak-minded, low-spirited pupil kept it up when the others had done; relentless necessity obliged and assisted me so to accost her, that she dared not carry on the demonstration, that she was forced to conquer the convulsion.
    That girl would have had a right to hate me, except that, when school was over and her companions departing, I ordered her to stay, and when they were gone, I did what I had never done to one among them before – pressed her to my heart and kissed her cheek. But, this impulse yielded to, I speedily put her out of the classe, for, upon that poignant strain, she wept more bitterly than ever.
    I filled with occupation every minute of that day, and should have liked to sit up all night if I might have kept a candle burning; the night, however, proved a bad time, and left bad effects, preparing me ill for the next day's ordeal of insufferable gossip. Of course this news fell under general discussion. Some little reserve had accompanied the first surprise: that soon wore off; every mouth opened; every tongue wagged; teachers, pupils, the very servants, mouthed the name of ›Emanuel.‹ He, whose connection with the school was contemporary with its commencement, thus suddenly to withdraw! All felt it strange.
    They talked so much, so long, so often, that, out of the very multitude of their words and rumours, grew at last some intelligence. About the third day I heard it said that he was to sail in a week; then – that he was bound for the West Indies. I looked at Madame Beck's face, and into her eyes, for disproof or confirmation of this report; I perused her all over for information, but no part of her disclosed more than what was unperturbed and commonplace.
    »This secession was an immense loss to her,« she alleged. »She did not know how she should fill up the vacancy. She was so used to her kinsman, he had become her right hand; what should she do without him? She had opposed the step, but M. Paul had convinced her it was his duty.«
    She said all this in public, in classe, at the dinner-table, speaking audibly to Zélie St Pierre.
    »Why was it his duty?« I could have asked her that. I had impulses to take hold of her suddenly, as she calmly passed me in classe, to stretch out my hand and grasp her fast, and say, »Stop. Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter.
Why
is it his duty to go into banishment?« But Madame always addressed some other teacher, and never looked at me, never seemed conscious I could have a care in the question.
    The week wore on. Nothing more was said about M. Emanuel coming to bid us good-bye; none seemed anxious for his coming; none questioned whether or not he would come; none betrayed torment lest he should depart silent and unseen; incessantly did they talk, and never, in all their talk, touched on this vital point. As to Madame, she of course could see him, and say to him as much as she pleased. What should
she
care whether or not he appeared in the school-room?
    The week consumed. We were told that he was going on such a day, that his destination was »Basseterre in Guadaloupe:« the business which called him abroad related to a friend's interests, not his own: I thought as much.
    »Basseterre in Guadaloupe.« I had little sleep about this time, but whenever I
did
slumber, it followed infallibly that I was quickly roused with a start, while the words »Basseterre,« »Guadaloupe,« seemed pronounced over my pillow, or ran athwart the darkness around and before me, in zig-zag characters of red or violet light.
    For what I felt there was no help, and how could I help feeling? M. Emanuel had been very kind to me of late days; he had been growing hourly better and kinder. It was now a month since we had settled the theological difference, and in all that time there had been no quarrel. Nor had our peace been the cold daughter of divorce; we had not lived aloof; he had come oftener, he had talked with me more than before; he had spent hours with me, with temper soothed, with eye content, with manner home-like and mild. Kind subjects of conversation had grown between us; he had inquired into my plans of life, and I had communicated them; the school-project pleased him; he made me repeat it more than once, though he called it an Alnaschar dream. The jar was over; the mutual understanding was settling and fixing; feelings of union and hope made themselves profoundly felt in the