Violet Eden Chapters 04 - Endless

can’t resist me. No woman can,’ he said, smiling as he got into the car.
    I ignored him and pulled out the directions I had prepared.
    ‘Where are we headed?’ he asked, starting up the four-wheel drive that smelled of Lincoln.
    I rolled down the window. ‘To a cliff.’



CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
    ‘There is no refuge from memory and remorse in this world. The spirits of our foolish deeds haunt us, with or without repentance .’
    Gilbert Parker
    S pence was the only one who couldhave talked his way into coming with me. And he stayed true to his word, not saying anything except when essential, which was basically, ‘Time to get petrol,’ and ‘Left here?’
    It was strange being back in the wilderness. Back to where it had all begun. Now, I’d come full circle.
    We set up camp, finding supplies in the back of Lincoln’s car and building a campfire. The place was as forbidding as it had been the first time I was there. As Spence and I sat in silence and, later, pretended to sleep, I couldn’t help but think of my last time in this forest … pretending to sleep.
    I had dreamed of Phoenix every now and then – he’d materialise in a flash and disappear just as quickly. I hated the thought of where he was, but he had told me himself that there is no other place for exiles than the pits of Hell.
    On the night of the fire at the estate, Spence had tried to go back into the building for Phoenix’s body. He didn’t care much for Phoenix himself,but Spence knew he mattered to me and guessed I’d like to be able to bury him. He was right. But other Grigori had held him back at the last second, stopping him from returning into the inferno. That place was now Phoenix’s coffin.
    While Spence rested I got up and wandered through the dark woods. My Grigori enhanced vision made it much easier than the last time I was here. I soon found the spot where Phoenix and I had camped and sat down on the large rock where he had sat beside me.
    ‘Sometimes, I still want to blame you,’ I whispered into the darkness. ‘Sometimes, I want it all to have been your fault. But I don’t and … it wasn’t.’ I looked up at the sky. Stars shone brightly, shimmering attentively as if listening to my every word. ‘You saved those kids. They have a chance now, a future. You did good.’ I sniffed, trying to hold myself together. ‘But I still hate you.’ A tear slipped down my cheek. ‘I hate what the two of you did. You both just …’ I blew out a breath shakily. ‘You left me and now I can’t go, but I can’t stay either.’
    I stood and wiped away the tears with the back of my hand. Phoenix had been wrong about a lot of things. But he’d been right about one thing: ‘Love has killed us all.’

    In the predawn hours, Spence climbed the mountain with me, insisting on escorting me to the top. His exact words were, ‘In case you decide to jump at the wrong moment.’ He was only half joking.
    We hiked thesteep rock face in silence.
    When sunrise teased the horizon, I made my way to the edge of the cliff.
    So many what ifs.
    I toed the edge and waited for the first rays of sunlight to pierce the dark sky. The timing had to be right.
    ‘You think this is gonna work?’ Spence asked finally, unable to help himself.
    It was a good question. Grigori aren’t supposed to jump off cliffs whenever they like and expect an angelic audience in return. That one move is reserved for when we embrace. But I needed to do this my way, on my terms.
    ‘I’ll tell you at the bottom,’ I said, as the sun’s first pale pink rays speared the sky, illuminating a thick band of cloud.
    Arms wide, I leaped.

    I landed on my back with a thump in the desert. I jumped to my feet and gritted my teeth.
    ‘No desert,’ I commanded.
    The desert disappeared and I was left in darkness, surrounded by nothing other than glittering stars, which cast little light.
    Uri stood before me, somehow perfectly lit. ‘Why do you call us, Keshet?’
    ‘I’m not calling you. I want to see my maker.’
    Uri’s chin lifted. Pride. ‘You think you are entitled to such an audience at your request?’
    ‘Yes.’
    He stared at me.I put my hands on my hips and stared back. For the first time, he gave me a small smile.
    ‘I believe he may agree with you.’
    I tried to hide my surprise. ‘You know who he is?’ As far as I was aware, neither Uri nor Nox knew his full identity.
    ‘It has become paramount to our duties,’ Uri nodded and, if I wasn’t