Violet Eden Chapters 04 - Endless

he asked.
    ‘If there was, I would’ve found it,’ Phoenix replied.
    And I believedhim.
    Before the reality of what we were discussing could hit me, I powered on. ‘Where do you stand in all this, Phoenix? What happens – Lincoln and I both die and you go on your merry way with Lilith, letting her kill anything and anyone that crosses her path?’
    Lincoln ground his jaw together and slammed a fist on the table. ‘Jesus Christ! We are not having this conversation. She is not going in there to be tortured!’
    I flinched, but otherwise ignored the outburst. Phoenix shook his head when he saw I was still waiting for his answer.
    ‘When Lilith finds out what I’ve done, she’ll kill me. I’ll do everything I can to take her with me. I swear it. I thought …’ Remorse filled his eyes. ‘I didn’t expect this to happen It’s not what I wanted.’ He ran a hand around his neck and dropped it back on the table. ‘I expected collateral damage and told myself it wouldn’t matter.’ He huffed. ‘I even let you believe I’d had your friend killed.’
    He was talking about Rudyard and at the mention of him both Lincoln and I straightened.
    ‘I didn’t,’ Phoenix added.
    ‘But you brought Lilith back,’ Lincoln pushed.
    Phoenix nodded. ‘Yes. But killing kids wasn’t ever part of it. Not for me. I’m prepared to give my eternity to put her back in the ground.’
    Lincoln glanced at his watch. It had been almost two hours since one of us had patrolled the perimeter.
    ‘I’ll do it,’ I offered.
    He shook his head. ‘No.’ His eyes shot to Phoenix. ‘I can’t be alone with him. I’ll go.’ He stood up, strapped on his dagger and headed out. I followed him to the verandah.
    ‘Linc?’ Isaid from behind him. He stopped, reached out and pulled me to him, arms wrapping tightly around me.
    ‘Don’t ask me to deliver you to her. I can’t,’ he pleaded.
    I didn’t respond. And we both knew why. He moved back just as quickly as he’d pulled me to him.
    ‘I’d better get this patrol done. Back soon.’
    He took off into the trees.
    I sat down on the steps leading to the lawn and stared out over the river. Phoenix approached from behind, sitting beside me.
    ‘I heard what you said. About never loving me.’
    ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were listening.’
    He shrugged. ‘It’s not like it was news, anyway. I’ve felt enough from you to know you could’ve loved me, though, that you came close, even. Maybe, if I hadn’t destroyed everything Maybe, if you’d given me a chance to explain …’
    ‘Did you know what would happen after we were together?’ I asked, finally deciding I was ready to hear it, ready to know if he had planned it all – sleeping with me and forming the connection that led to Joel and Onyx first attacking me.
    ‘No. And yes. I felt it happening while we were together. I could’ve stopped but I couldn’t at the same time. There’s a part of me made by darkness that’s inherent in me and fundamental to my existence – I can’t deny that. With you, when we first met, I tried.’ He shook his head, lost in memories. ‘So. Damn. Hard. I wanted to be everything you deserved and I wanted it for me too, but, when we were together that night, I was so drunk on you I knew the right thing to do but I let the darkness take over. It’s not an excuse but you have to understand–’
    I cut himoff. ‘It’s your nature.’
    He gave a sad nod of agreement. ‘I tried to explain the next day, but I saw the adoration in your eyes when you healed Lincoln and the temptation to use the new power I had over you was too much to resist. I thought if I could just sway you a little, encourage animosity towards him and devotion to me But by the time it all came out and I’d healed you I’d already lost you.’
    I shook my head, hearing it all like this, I believed him. ‘You’re right, you know. I think I could’ve loved you, but even with everything that happened, that wasn’t the reason we didn’t end up together.’
    He looked towards the trees. ‘Him,’ he said.
    ‘Him,’ I agreed.
    He smiled ruefully. ‘There is always that. I should’ve known better, of course. About a lot of things. Now it’s too late to make amends.’
    ‘I thought you didn’t apologise?’
    His smile turned a little playful and I was reminded of the Phoenix I had first become friends with.
    ‘I don’t. But if I can make it right … I will. This whole thing, it’s my fault. I did