War and Peas

parents, with the best intentions in the world, had rented a hotel suite for us so we could be alone together, which was the most horrifying thought in the world to me. I was dizzy with fear.
    “I’d driven my car to the club, and since I was sober, I drove us to the hotel. It was December. Cold and icy. I can still remember the faint burned-sugar smell my car heater made. Sometimes I catch a whiff of an odor like that and it still makes me sick.”
    Jane was feeling sick herself, just listening and imagining the terror that the innocent young Babs must have felt. But Babs was speaking calmly now, far more calmly than Jane could have.
    “We left the country club and I was trying to concentrate on my driving,“ Babs went on. “The road was treacherous. And as we reached a spot where there had been many winter accidents due to a sharp curve and a steep embankment, Bobby reached over and yanked my skirt up and plunged his hand into my crotch. I had a second of frigid terror, and then a stunning realization. This was going to be the rest of my life. And I couldn’t live such a life. I can’t tell you how liberating it was. I was suddenly calm, rational, and happier than I’d ever been. I knew how to get out of the nightmare and it was easy. I’d die. It was so simple! And I’d take him with me so he couldn’t ruin anyone else’s life when I was gone. It was the only truly spiritual moment of my life. I thought God had set it up for me—the cold, the icy road, the sharp corner, the embankment. It was all so perfect that it had to be a Divine Order. So I wrenched the wheel sharply to the left. And killed Bobby McDonald.”
    She paused and took a sip of coffee. “But not myself,“ she added. “Obviously. When I recovered, I still felt I had done God’s work. I believe it to this day. And the months I was in the hospital gave me time to realize other things, too. That I could never go back to being anybody’s good girl. That my body and my mind were in my own sole care and would remain so. I would never let another man have control of either. I would create my own life the way I wanted it to be.”
    Jane discovered she’d been holding her breath for quite a long time.
    Shelley started to speak, but for once had no words.
    Babs put out both her hands and Jane and Shelley each took one. Babs squeezed them firmly, then let go. “My dears, this is harder on you than me. I’m sorry I upset you, but I thought you should know. And maybe, too, I just needed to tell it one more time. Selfish of me, but I’m of an age to feel entitled to a little selfishness. To finish the story, I couldn’t go back to my parents’ house and wasn’t well enough to live alone for several months, so my dear friend Daisy took me in and cared for me. Not only physically, but mentally as well. Although she had no interest in an academic life, she was the one with the perception to realize it would suit me. She gave me college catalogs, and helped me find my own apartment when I was well enough. It hurt my parents, I know, that I turned to a friend instead of them, but that was how it had to be.”
    She smiled radiantly at her companions and signaled the waiter. “I believe we each need a new cup of coffee, if you wouldn’t mind,“ she told him.
    “I wonder if you’re aware that Sharlene read an old newspaper article about your accident and has a very different interpretation of it,“ Shelley said in voice that trembled slightly.
    “Dear Sharlene. I’m sure her story is very pretty and romantic,“ Babs said with a fond smile. “She’s a pretty person all the way through. I’ve seldom known anyone with so much intelligence and such pure goodness. It’s a rare combination. As for Derek—”
    The waiter came back with clean cups and a steaming carafe. When he’d cleared away the used cups, Shelley asked, “How would Derek have known anything about this?“
    “I suppose Whitney Abbot might have mentioned it and Derek did a little digging. Derek might have been taking a shot in the dark, or he might have heard the alternative version.“
    “Alternative version?“ Jane repeated.
    “Yes. You see, there was a bit of scandal that followed the ‘accident.’ Apparently someone started a rumor—or it might have had an element of truth, I didn’t care which—that Bobby had fallen in love with one of the Army nurses who treated him in England. According to the gossip mill, he’d told me that he was going to divorce me