Wedding Night

like tagliatelle. You say tagliatelle too. Favorite TV show?”
    “Dirk and Sally.”
    “
Dirk and Sally
, definitely.” He grins, and the atmosphere lifts a shade.
    “Favorite episode?” I can’t help asking.
    “Let me think.” His face lights up. “The one with the lobsters. Classic.”
    “No, the wedding,” I object. “It
has
to be the wedding. ‘With this Smith and Wesson 59, I thee wed.’ ”
    I watched that episode about ninety-five times. It was Dirk and Sally’s second wedding (after they’d divorced and left the force and been recruited back in season four), and it was the best TV wedding
ever
.
    “No, the kidnap double bill.” Ben has sat up in his hammock and is hugging his knees. “That was epic. Hey, listen.
Listen
.” His face brightens. “We’ll do it as Dirk and Sally.”
    “What?” I stare at him, puzzled. “Do what?”
    “The quiz! I can’t remember any of this shit.” He waves my crib sheet at me. “But I know what Sally likes and you know what Dirk likes. We’ll be them, not us.”
    He can’t be serious. Is he serious? A giggle rises out of me before I can help myself.
    “I mean, we can’t do any
worse
, can we?” Ben adds. “I know everything about Sally. Test me.”
    “OK, what shampoo does she use?” I challenge him.
    Ben screws up his face to think. “I know this.… It’s Silvikrin. It’s in the opening sequence. What’s Dirk’s favorite drink?”
    “Bourbon straight up,” I say without missing a beat. “Easy. When’s Sally’s birthday?”
    “June twelfth, and Dirk always gets her white roses. When’s yours?” he asks, looking alarmed. “It’s not soon, is it?”
    He’s right. We know the marriage of a fictional TV detectivecouple better than we know our own. It’s so ridiculous I can’t help grinning at him.
    “OK, Dirk, it’s a deal.” I look up to see Nico approaching, flanked by Georgios and Hermes. The Three Stooges, as Ben’s started calling them. We’re in the most secluded, hidden spot in the garden, but even so, they managed to track us down. They’ve been hovering round us endlessly all afternoon, offering drinks, snacks, and even appearing with the most unflattering Ikonos-branded sun hats in case we were getting overheated.
    “Mr. and Mrs. Parr, I believe you are entered for the Couples’ Quiz? It’s beginning in a few minutes, down on the beach,” Nico addresses us pleasantly. He’s changed into a jacket with glittery braid, which makes me wonder if he’s quizmaster.
    “We were just coming.”
    “Excellent! Georgios will assist you.”
    We don’t need bloody
assistance, I want to retort, but I bite my lip and smile.
    “Lead the way.”
    “Bring it on, Sally,” mutters Ben in my ear, and I stifle a giggle. Maybe this will be fun after all.
    They’ve really gone to town. There’s a wooden platform set up on the beach, decorated with a skirt of red foil strips. Clusters of red-heart helium balloons are anchored at each side. A massive banner reads COUPLES’ QUIZ , and a three-piece band is playing “Love Is All Around.” Melissa is pacing about on the sand in her orange caftan, followed two steps behind by a sandy-haired man in Vilebrequin trunks and an aqua polo shirt. I assume he’s her husband, as they’re bothwearing prominent badges reading C OUPLE O NE , along with their printed names.
    “Stella McCartney,” she’s saying furiously as we approach. “You
know
it’s Stella McCartney. Oh! Hi! You made it!”
    “Ready to do battle?” says Ben, with a mischievous glint.
    “It’s just a bit of fun!” she replies, almost aggressively. “Isn’t it, Matt?”
    Matt is holding
The Couples’ Quiz Official Question Book
, I suddenly notice in disbelief. Did they bring that with them?
    “Oh, we happened to have that,” says Melissa, flushing as she sees me register it. “Put it
away
, Matt. It’s too late now, anyway,” she adds to him in a savage undertone. “I
really
think you could have made more effort.… Hello! You must be the other competitors! Just a bit of fun!” She greets an older-looking couple who are approaching hand in hand, looking a bit perplexed by the whole thing. They have graying hair, coordinated beige slacks, and short-sleeved Hawaiian cotton shirts, and the man has socks on with sandals.
    “Mr. and Mrs. Parr, your badge.” Nico descends and gives us our C OUPLE T HREE badges. “Mr. and Mrs. Kenilworth, here are your name badges.”
    “Are you on honeymoon?” I