What We Talk About When We Talk About Love: Stories

it, it was a courtship. She's thirty-five, three years younger than I am. In addition to being in love, we like each other and enjoy one another's company. She's easy to be with.
    "WHAT happened?" Laura said.
    Mel said, "He shot himself in the mouth in his room. Someone heard the shot and told the manager. They came in with a passkey, saw what had happened, and called an
    What We Talk About When We Talk About Love
    ambulance. I happened to be there when they brought him in, alive but past recall. The man lived for three days. His head swelled up to twice the size of a normal head. I'd never seen anything like it, and I hope I never do again. Terri wanted to go in and sit with him when she found out about it. We had a fight over it. I didn't think she should see him like that. I didn't think she should see him, and I still don't."
    "Who won the fight?" Laura said.
    "I was in the room with him when he died," Terri said. "He never came up out of it. But I sat with him. He didn't have anyone else."
    "He was dangerous," Mel said. "If you call that love, you can have it."
    "It was love," Terri said. "Sure, it's abnormal in most people's eyes. But he was willing to die for it. He did die for it."
    "I sure as hell wouldn't call it love," Mel said. "I mean, no one knows what he did it for. I've seen a lot of suicides, and I couldn't say anyone ever knew what they did it for."
    Mel put his hands behind his neck and tilted his chair back. "I'm not interested in that kind of love," he said. "If that's love, you can have it."
    Terri said, "We were afraid. Mel even made a will out and wrote to his brother in California who used to be a Green Beret. Mel told him who to look for if something happened to him."
    Terri drank from her glass. She said, "But Mel's right—we lived like fugitives. We were afraid. Mel was, weren't you, honey? I even called the police at one point, but they were no help. They said they couldn't do anything until Ed actually did something. Isn't that a laugh?" Terri said.
    What We Talk About When We Talk About Love
    She poured the last of the gin into her glass and waggled the bottle. Mel got up from the table and went to the cupboard. He took down another bottle.
    "WELL, Nick and I know what love is," Laura said. "For us, I mean," Laura said. She bumped my knee with her knee. "You're supposed to say something now," Laura said, and turned her smile on me.
    For an answer, I took Laura's hand and raised it to my lips. I made a big production out of kissing her hand. Everyone was amused.
    "We're lucky," I said.
    "You guys," Terri said. "Stop that now. You're making me sick. You're still on the honeymoon, for God's sake. You're still gaga, for crying out loud. Just wait. How long have you been together now? How long has it been? A year? Longer than a year?"
    "Going on a year and a half," Laura said, flushed and smiling.
    "Oh, now," Terri said. "Wait awhile."
    She held her drink and gazed at Laura.
    "I'm only kidding," Terri said.
    Mel opened the gin and went around the table with the bottle.
    "Here, you guys," he said. "Let's have a toast. I want to propose a toast. A toast to love. To true love," Mel said.
    We touched glasses.
    "To love," we said.
    OUTSIDE in the backyard, one of the dogs began to bark. The leaves of the aspen that leaned past the window
    What We Talk About When We Talk About Love
    ticked against the glass. The afternoon sun was like a presence in this room, the spacious light of ease and generosity. We could have been anywhere, somewhere enchanted. We raised our glasses again and grinned at each other like children who had agreed on something forbidden.
    "Ill tell you what real love is," Mel said. "I mean, 111 give you a good example. And then you can draw your own conclusions." He poured more gin into his glass. He added an ice cube and a sliver of lime. We waited and sipped our drinks. Laura and I touched knees again. I put a hand on her warm thigh and left it there.
    "What do any of us really know about love?" Mel said. "It seems to me we're just beginners at love. We say we love each other and we do, I don't doubt it. I love Terri and Terri loves me, and you guys love each other too. You know the kind of love I'm talking about now. Physical love, that impulse that drives you to someone special, as well as love of the other person's being, his or her essence, as it were. Carnal love and, well, call it sentimental love, the day-to-day caring about the other person. But sometimes I have a hard