Where Nerves End

base of my beer, which I hadnt touched much either.
Maybe five minutes later, closer to ontime than Id seen him in recent memory, Seth emerged from the thin afternoon crowd. Hands in his pockets, an expression that rivaled Michaels for nerves, he approached slowly, almost cautiously.
None of us spoke until Seth eased himself into the empty third chair with a noncommittal, “Hey.”
“Hey.” Michael kept his gaze down, swallowing hard.
Seth flagged down a waiter and ordered a beer. None of us said anything until the waiter returned and handed Seth a brown bottle.
Once the three of us were alone again, Michael cleared his throat. “So. I guess you already know. About…” He gestured at himself and me.
“Yeah, I do,” Seth said. “I…Im curious, though. Why didnt you ever tell me?”
Michael took a deep breath. “Because I wasnt completely sure myself until…” He glanced at me before looking at Seth. “Until recently.”
“But, did you think you might be?” Seth asked. “I mean, did this just come out of the blue?” He inclined his head. “Or did you think about it earlier on?”
“Um, well…” Michael swallowed hard. “To be honest? I had some idea before you came out to me.”
Seth exhaled. “I figured.”
“You did?”
Nodding, Seth said, “About the time Charlie Turner joined us in band? Hell yeah.”
Michaels mouth fell open and his face colored. “You knew about that?”
Seth laughed softly. “Come on. You werent exactly subtle.”
Michael laughed. “Man, I didnt think anyone knew.”
“Well, I dont think Charlie ever caught on.”
“Thank God for that.” Michael set his shoulders back and looked Seth in the eye. “Just so were clear, I wasnt out to hide anything from you. I thought about telling you. God, I dont even know how many times I thought about that.”
“But why didnt you?” Seth asked, his tone gentler than Id ever heard it before. “What did you think I would do?”
“It wasnt you. I just didnt want to say anything because I didnt want to accept it myself.” Michael reached for my hand. “And I didnt fully accept it until recently.”
Seth looked at our hands for a long moment. “I can respect that. I really can, because coming out…” He whistled. “Not an easy thing to do. And it was a bit of a surprise, but, hey, if you guys are happy together, then Im happy for you.”
“Youre not upset that I never told you?”
Seths normal response would have been made of snark, but there wasnt a trace of sarcasm in his voice when he spoke. “Michael, if you werent ready to tell me or anyone else, who am I to hold that against you? I, of all people, know how hard it is to come out.”
“I know,” Michael said, “which is what worried me. You trusted me enough to come out, but I couldnt return the favor?”
“Its not a favor.” Seth leaned forward, folding his arms behind his beer and looking Michael in the eye. “You didnt owe me the truth. Yeah, I hope you can trust me enough with things like this, but did you trust yourself with it?”
Michael straightened, lowering his gaze. “I…maybe thats it.”
“Course it is.” Seth picked up his beer. “Im never wrong, you know that.”
Michael laughed. “Oh, how could I ever forget?”
“No doubt.” Seth gestured at him with the half-empty bottle. “Can you believe this guy? What the hell?” Chuckling, he brought his beer up to his lips. After hed taken a drink, the seriousness returned to his tone. “I mean it, Mike. Honestly. You had to figure it out on your own, and when you were ready, I would have listened.” His gaze slid toward me. “Or when your boyfriend was ready, as it were.”
My face burned, but when Michael laughed, so did I.
Then, to Seth, he said, “Apparently I just needed a few years to really get it through my head before I could tell you.” His eyes darted toward me. “Or anyone else.”
“Well, no one ever accused you of being a fast learner.” Beat. They both laughed, and Seth said, “Dont worry about it, man. Seriously.”
“Thanks,” Michael said. “I think.”
Seth just chuckled. “Im not all that surprised youre gay, to be quite honest,” he said, his tone serious. “Im really not. Theres just one thing I really, really do not get.”
“And that is?”
Seth picked up his beer and gestured toward me with it. “What the fuck is up with your taste in men?”
Michael and I both laughed aloud.
“Love you too, Seth,” I said.
“Im just saying.” He shrugged. “If you