White Tiger

I’ll be very pleased. If it feels that it is getting away from you, let it fall. Hold it; I will supervise.’
    He put his fingertips on my temple. The touch made me look up. I saw straight into his glowing dark eyes. His face was full of proud adoration and I saw how much he loved me.
    And of course I completely lost it.
    The chi shot like a rocket straight past his left ear. Everything went sideways and faded. I heard him laugh softly as he caught me, then he was gone.
    ‘You must rest, my Lord,’ Leo said. ‘She’ll be fine.’ ‘Leave us,’ Mr Chen said.
    ‘She’ll be furious with you when she wakes up, you know that.’ ‘Go.’
    Leo snorted. The door opened and closed.
    I tried to open my eyes but couldn’t. I attempted to lift my arms but I was paralysed. I panicked for a second: I couldn’t move at all or open my eyes or say anything.
    ‘Don’t try to move,’ he said.
    I relaxed.
    ‘You probably can’t move. Don’t be concerned. Everything is fine.’
    I tried to ask him what had happened but I couldn’t. I struggled to say something.
    ‘Don’t try to speak, difficult as such a thing is for you,’ he said with amusement.
    I laughed softly with him. There, I could laugh; why couldn’t I speak? I tried again. I gave up.
    ‘Good,’ he said. ‘You probably don’t remember what happened. You tried to take my head off with a bolt of your chi. Well done. The hole in the wall of the training room is one of the best I’ve ever seen. Most unusual for the chi to shoot away like that on first generation.’
    I put a hole in the wall? Go, me. Well, not so great about trying to take his head off, but putting holes in walls with my energy sounded really satisfying. Then I remembered what had happened. He’d touched me and I’d lost it. I’d let my feelings get in the way of the training.
    ‘Don’t worry about it, Emma,’ he said.
    I struggled to speak.
    ‘Leave it,’ he said more firmly. ‘It was my fault. I should never have touched you while you were holding the energy like that.’
    I desperately wanted to tell him it was my own stupid fault.
    ‘Emma Donahoe, this is a direct order. You will relax, you will not worry about it, you will rest. I am here. Simone is cared for. Leo is his usual difficult self. Rest.’
    Great. A direct order. I had no choice. I let myself drift away.
    I pulled myself upright to sit against the bedhead and looked around. He sat in a chair next to the bed, sleeping, his noble face peaceful.
    He woke and smiled at me. ‘Are you okay?’ ‘What happened?’ ‘Remember the energy work?’
    I remembered everything and sagged back onto my pillow.
    He saw my face. ‘You did very well, Emma. I should not have touched you. I underestimated…’ His voice trailed off. I knew what he’d underestimated: my love for him.
    ‘It’s my own stupid fault,’ I said. ‘I shouldn’t have let it get away from me like that.’
    ‘I know you can’t control it. I understand perfectly.’
    I sighed. We both knew it. And there was not a damn thing we could do about it. I couldn’t even hold his hand. Waste of time brooding on it; accept it and get over it.
    I remembered what Leo had said. ‘How long have you been sitting with me?’ ‘About three days.’
    I raised the blanket and looked down at myself. I was in my pyjamas. I had absolutely no memory of how I’d made it there.
    ‘Monica’s been helping you,’ he said. ‘Every few hours you’d come around for a while, be almost coherent for about ten minutes, let her help you into the bathroom, then return to bed and sleep again.’
    I shook my head. ‘I don’t remember any of it.’
    ‘Perfectly normal.’
    ‘And you’ve been sitting here with me for three days?’ He didn’t say anything, just watched me. ‘How much sleep have you been getting?’ He smiled slightly.
    I tried to pull myself more upright to shout at him, but I couldn’t. I pointed my finger at him instead. ‘You take yourself out of here right now, go into your room and rest.’
    He didn’t move.
    ‘My Lord.’ I softened my voice. ‘Simone needs you. Please. Go and rest. Conserve your energy. I’ll be fine.’
    He wasn’t happy, but he rose and went to the door anyway.
    Hey, this Retainer thing could work both ways. ‘You needed me,’ he said from the doorway. ‘Not as much as Simone does.’ ‘But you needed me.’
    ‘I’ll always need you,’ I whispered. ‘And you won’t always be there for me. But you know what?