With Abandon: With or Without, Book 4

part ways now. He straightened his legs, pushing his back up the slope of the tub until his head and shoulders were out of the water.
    A warm hand softly wiped away the bubbles from his face as Aubrey chuckled. “I didn’t even know I
    had bubble bath.”
    Blinking his eyes open, Matt slicked his hair off his forehead. “I found it in the cabinet under the
    sink.”
    Aubrey nodded and took a seat next to the tub. “I can’t remember the last time I took a bath, much
    less with bubbles.”
    “Me either. In my household it just pisses everyone else off because you’re wasting time hogging the
    bathroom.” Matt lifted some suds to his lips and blew. It was an obvious delay tactic, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t look at Aubrey. He was…embarrassed. He knew he shouldn’t be—none of this was his fault—but
    it didn’t matter. His stomach was tied in knots, and his mind whirled. How pathetic did you have to be to make your mate pretend to be straight to keep you away?
    “I’m sorry, Matt. I should’ve told you.”
    Matt didn’t say anything. If he spoke, his voice would crack and all his insecurities would come
    spilling out, and dang it, he still had his pride.
    “I owe you an explanation.” Aubrey caught Matt’s chin, tilting his face up. “Look at me, sugar. Tara
    is the only one who knows. The only one. My family and friends haven’t got a clue. I’ve hidden it all my J.L. Langley
    life, and I’m damned good at hiding it. No one even has an inkling, and that’s the way I need to keep it. I was trying to protect you, not hurt you.”
    “By lying to me? How is that protecting me? If you don’t want me, that’s fine. I can live with that, but I thought you at least wanted us to be close. To be friends. You didn’t have to make me think the reason was because you’re straight.” Oh, way to go, Matthew. Matt jerked his chin out of Aubrey’s grip. So much for pride.
    Aubrey sighed and laid his head sideways on the arm he’d rested along the edge of the tub. “I’ll break your heart,” he whispered almost to himself. He caught Matt’s gaze. A lock of golden hair fell over his left eye. “I’m not worth it. You deserve better. I should’ve let you leave yesterday as soon as you got here, but…”
    He looked defeated and sad. Matt couldn’t help but respond. “But what?”
    “But I’m not sure I’m strong enough to let you go.” Aubrey dipped his fingers into the water and
    swirled them, his attention on them completely. After a few seconds he looked up. “I should let you leave and get on with your life. It’ll be better for you.”
    “Why don’t you let me decide that?”
    “Because I’m your mate and it’s my job to take care of you.” Aubrey said it matter-of-factly. If it
    hadn’t been for the seriousness of the conversation, it would’ve been funny considering he’d just said he didn’t want a mate.
    “You said you don’t want a mate…or is it just me?”
    Aubrey shook his head. “It’s not you. If I’d wanted a mate…if I could’ve chosen, I don’t think I
    could’ve chosen better. But I can’t be gay. It’s not possible.”
    “But you are gay.”
    Sighing, Aubrey nodded. “I cain’t…” His voice trailed off, and he stayed quiet for several moments.
    “Even at sixteen I knew to keep it secret. I told my parents I was going out with friends and drove two hours down to Jacksonville to go to a gay bar. I had to tell my friends I was seeing some girl in Macon so they wouldn’t accidentally call looking for me. By the time I turned eighteen sneaking out of state to pick up men had gotten old. I was sick to death of parading one girlfriend after another in front of my friends and parents. I was going to stop pretending, but then—” He groaned and shook his head. “Keaton comin’
    out first pretty much stilled my hand. I knew then that I couldn’t live the way I wonted. Gawd, I was mad at him for that. With that one admission he sealed my fate.” He laughed, but there was no humor in it. It sounded rusty and mocking. He looked up at Matt again. “Now I’m just glad he’s happy. Glad he can love
    who he wants.”
    “I don’t understand. I’m trying to, but… Why does your brother being gay have anything to do with
    you?” Matt was even more confused now than before. Aubrey obviously thought this was a major thing.
    Whatever his reasoning, he believed it. It took a lot of the sting out of what he’d done. Aubrey truly hadn’t