Worth More Dead

was working full time for the investment firm. She and Denise were both assistants to executives in the Bellevue office. It worked out well because Carolyn’s daughter was in a day care across the street from her office.
    Morgan Stanley was a friendly place to work, and Carolyn fit right in. She was very artsy-crafty and made little gifts for more than a dozen of the women she worked with: crocheted and personalized little baskets for paper clips for their desks, or holiday cards that she designed and printed with stamps she carved. If she stopped to buy coffee for herself, she always brought in steaming cups for the women who worked near her.
    At Morgan Stanley, there were Christmas parties and other get-togethers, but the big celebration of the year came right after the income tax deadlines had been met. After the staff had worked intensely for weeks to help their clients, the firm rewarded them by hiring limousines and taking them out for a gala evening they called “The Tax Party.” Bob didn’t approve of that, and it also meant that he had to look after the three children while Carolyn celebrated with her work friends.
    The Jannusches and the Duralls spent more and more time together; Gary and Bob worked for the same company, and now so did Denise and Carolyn. The men often carpooled, and while Gary liked Bob well enough, he noticed that Bob wanted things his way. When Gary drove, he couldn’t turn on his car radio or play his CDs because Bob wanted the car quiet. And as always when they went camping, Bob Durall had to have special food—tofu hot dogs—when everyone else was roasting old-fashioned wieners on a stick.
    While Bob enjoyed hiking or playing with his children, it was Carolyn who had to see to the details for every outing. He didn’t want to be bothered. He rarely cooked for his children; that was a woman’s job. If he fixed food for himself, he didn’t clean up afterward. When he peeled an orange, he left the peels in the sink. It was a small thing, but one of Carolyn’s friends thought it was inconsiderate, as if he were used to having a maid clean up after him.
    Carolyn arranged all the dental appointments, haircuts, and doctors’ appointments and was soon the parent who drove their sons to soccer or baseball practice. She was a Cub Scout leader. The Duralls’ friends noticed that she never sat down; if the kids didn’t need her for something, Bob did. She was sad that she had little time to just play Barbies with her daughter or board games with her sons, but there weren’t enough hours in her days. Carolyn often took her youngsters to amusement centers like Chuck E. Cheese’s Pizza for a quick meal. Most young mothers are busy, but she was parenting all alone, even though her children had a father who could have picked up the slack a little. He had time to play games with them, and if he was in the mood, he did.
    Carolyn admitted to Denise Jannusch that she felt that Bob controlled her. Denise and the Duralls’ neighbors noticed that Carolyn was jumpy and nervous around him, always glancing at him to be sure he approved of what she did and said. When she drank one beer at a company picnic, he chastised her as harshly as if she’d gotten sloppy drunk.
    She told Denise that Bob’s need to be in charge of everything began early in her marriage. “They were at a party and she told me that he wanted to go, but she wasn’t ready to leave yet,” Denise recalled. “He just picked her up and carried her out of the party and put her in the car and took her home. She was humiliated.”
    Bob often abruptly decided to leave functions where Carolyn was enjoying herself. One time the Duralls went with their children to see her parents, who were vacationing on an island in Puget Sound. They drove separate cars that day. Carolyn told Denise later that for some reason Bob announced he wanted to leave “right now.” He told her to get everything packed into her car immediately so they could catch the early ferry. He took his car and left with the two boys while she scrambled to get all the children’s gear, toys, diaper bag, and Bob’s special food and supplies together and packed in her car. Then she raced with their baby girl to try to catch up with Bob and the boys.
    “When she got to the end of the ferry dock,” Denise recalled, “Bob had his car parked way up first in line. She waved frantically to him, but he just looked back at her and laughed. He drove on the ferry without her.