You Look Different in Real Life

to her every 1.4 seconds, but her curiosity seems to be overriding all that.
    “What do you think?” I ask her.
    “I don’t think I’ve ever seen people having so much fun,” she says, glancing quickly at me and then down to the floor. “Real fun. Not fake fun.”
    I smile, thinking of the gatherings I used to attend with Ian. Everybody trying to look like they were having a great time, constantly glancing around to see who was noticing them looking like they were having a great time. But there’s something pure about this party. The people here seem to have crossed over some bullshit barrier.
    I haven’t seen Nate since we first got here. He disappeared into one of the bedrooms with Dylan and Kyle, and I’m trying not to get mad about it. What’s happening in there? It’s sort of obvious. They’re smoking a joint, or doing shots, or something worse. It’s not like I want to be included. Two days ago, I wouldn’t have expected anything less from Nate. But tonight, it feels like a betrayal of who he is now, to me.
    Nate reappears, looking worried. He comes over to stand with us, taking a place against the wall next to me as if we’re all in a police lineup. After a minute, he leans in close to my ear and says something that sounds like, “You wanna dance?”
    There’s no way he could be saying that, so I move my ear closer and ask, “What?”
    He breathes in and out, and I can feel his breath on my skin. “I said, do you wanna dance?”
    “With you?” This just escapes me. A reflex, like a blink, or my knee after being hit with the doctor’s mallet.
    Nate looks hurt. “Never mind. I’m just not one for standing here.”
    He doesn’t seem drunk or stoned. “What were you doing in that room?” I ask, before I chicken out.
    Nate glances in the direction of the room, and I can’t read his expression. Finally he leans down again. His breath, again. “Rabbit.”
    “Rabbit?”
    “One of the guys who lives here has a rabbit. It won’t eat. Dylan remembered that I used to raise them, so he asked me to take a look.”
    Nate’s voice even saying the word rabbit seems unnatural, like he has trouble wrapping himself around the sound. It’s the first time I’ve seen him connect himself directly to the person he used to be.
    I must look really shocked, because he adds, “You thought I was drinking or smoking or snorting something. Right?” When I don’t answer, he shakes his head and mutters a word I can’t hear, then launches himself off the wall. Walks over to Rory. I see him hold out his hand, and she shakes her head. Then he holds out his other hand and says something else to her, and she smiles shyly. Rory grabs on to both his hands and he pulls her,walking backward, to the very edge of the dance cluster. They start to move.
    Why didn’t I say yes to dancing with him? Here, of all places, it would have been okay. More than okay. But I can’t seem to break us out of our old boxes, despite everything we’ve been through in the last twenty-four hours.
    I don’t have too much time to dwell on this, though, because in the middle of the floor, Adam and Max have suddenly frozen. Adam whispers something in Max’s ear, Max nods. Max steps around a few people to get to the wall. Where Felix is.
    “Hey, man,” says Max, holding out his hand with an earnest smile. “Come dance with us.”
    Felix looks so terrified, Max may as well be holding a wooden stake against his chest. He doesn’t even speak.
    “You’ve been watching us all night,” adds Max. “It seems like you really want to.” He nods ever so slightly, as if giving Felix permission for something.
    Felix glares at Nate. Quick, but whoa . Intense and hateful. Nate’s so focused on Rory, moving side to side with her the way ten-year-olds do at a painful school social, he doesn’t notice. Then Felix looks back at Max, still offering his open palm.
    Something happens to me here. It’s like my brain has been wrapped in a fog that’s now lifting, moving across the night to reveal a crystal clear, oh-so-obvious moon.
    Felix pushes Max away, both hands against his chest,sending him stumbling into a group of people, then bolts from the room.
    Nate and Rory freeze, but I take off after him, gripping the camera. In the hallway, above the noise of the party, I can hear footsteps in the stairwell. Ping ping ping .
    “Leave me alone!” I hear Felix call before a door opens and booms shut, and there’s something in his voice that tells