You Look Different in Real Life

completely. It’s not obvious to everyone. But if you see her up close all the time, like I do, it’s pretty clear.” He sighs. “When I foundswimming, I found a way to deal. I don’t think Keira’s found any other way except to bottle it up.”
    Then he starts walking again, putting a sudden stop to this assault of information. But I don’t yell at him to come back and finish. I don’t call him a jerk for holding the reins so tightly and completely in his control.
    I just run to catch up to him.
    The kebab place is on the corner and our order is waiting. I pay with Olivia’s credit card, in my head saying, I’m sorry I’m sorry I’ll pay you back I promise as I forge my sister’s name. I know I’ll have to do it again later when we get the car out of the garage.
    We’re silent on the walk home. We stay on the other side of the street, opposite the park.
    Back in the dorm, Adam and Max have joined Rory and Felix in front of the TV. While Rory and Felix are sitting on the futon with eyes glued to the set, Adam is sitting on a leather beanbag chair and Max is lying on the floor in front of him, leaning against Adam’s legs. Adam’s got his left arm draped across Max’s chest, and Max grabs it with both hands like he wants to press it closer to his heart. I suddenly miss Ian. Or maybe not the Ian part. Just the having-someone-care part.
    Dylan spreads an Indian-print tapestry on the floor and we unpack the meal, enough food for all of us and perhaps two more suites. We just wanted to seem like good guests.
    I eat a little, quickly, because I’m ravenous but also want to get the camera going as soon as possible. I put it on the coffee table and frame the shot so we’re all in there, pretty much. It’s close enough so there’s decent audio. Look at me, saying words like audio .
    Dinner is fun. Dylan and his friends talk about college, about their courses and their professors and some of the student films in the works. They ask us about Five at Sixteen , and Nate tells the story of the retreat weekend and everything it set in motion.
    “How much did they shoot before this weekend?” asks Adam.
    “Several weeks’ worth,” says Nate, so casually it’s almost obvious he’s leaving something out. “I think they spent a decent amount of time with each of us so far.”
    “Will they shoot more once you get back?” asks Dylan.
    Nate looks at me, as if I know the answer, and I just shrug. It’s something I haven’t thought about.
    The whole time we’re eating, Felix and Rory have not said a word.
    We’re almost done with dinner when the fourth roommate, Kyle, arrives. He has no reaction whatsoever to the presence of strangers in his suite.
    “Hey,” says Dylan. “You got my text about our visitors?”
    “Yeah,” says Kyle distractedly, like who cares . “I just ran into Vijay and he said they’re having a party tonight.”
    “Cool,” says Dylan. He turns to Nate and me, beaming.“Vijay and his suitemates throw the best parties. You guys picked the right night to hang here.”
    It’s been an hour, and Dylan and his friends are still getting ready to go out. Granted, there’s just one bathroom and all four of them need to shower. But by contrast, I was ready in five minutes. That simply involved changing into a sweater, the only nonslob item I packed for the weekend, and running the girly brush through my hair. Even if I had my eyeliner with me, I’m not sure I’d put it on. At least I’ve got the pink streaks. I’m beginning to see them as built-in fashion accessories.
    Parties are just not my thing. I tried drinking once. It messed up my stomach for two days. When you’re totally sober and everyone around you is totally not, you feel like an alien who’s landed on a planet of shouting idiots. I wonder if that’s how it is for Rory wherever she goes: like she’s always the only nonwasted person in the room.
    Nate has opted to wait his turn for a shower, so he finally takes one, and Felix and Rory are watching TV again. They’ve made no indications that they’re getting ready to go to a college party in the middle of Greenwich Village in the middle of New York City. Very possibly the coolest thing they will get a chance to do all year. Then again, maybe I’m biased because I can already see the shooting possibilities.
    “You guys are coming, right?” I say, keeping my voice as light as possible.
    “I would like to come, yes,” replies Rory. “I’m curious to see what