You Look Different in Real Life

it’ll be like. As long as I can leave whenever I want.”
    “I’m not sure,” says Felix.
    “How can you say that?” I ask, smiling. “When else are you going to have an opportunity like this?”
    A phone rings from somewhere deep inside Nate’s backpack, which is sitting on the floor of the common room.
    Nate comes out of the bathroom, wearing jeans and a long-sleeved shirt with Iron Man on it. His hair sticks out on all sides and frankly, he looks adorable. I just want to reach out and smooth it down, or at least give him my hairbrush again. He whizzes past me and the smell of clean boy almost knocks me over as he digs into his backpack, finds his phone, and answers it.
    “Hello?” he says hopefully. A pause, then: “Oh. Yes. She’s here.” He flicks his eyes toward Rory. “She’s totally fine. Do you want to talk to her? . . . Okay. I’ll tell her. . . . Yes, as soon as we can. We’ll be in touch.”
    Nate hangs up his phone and turns to Rory. “Your mom wants to remind you to take your meds,” he says.
    “Already did,” says Rory. “Thanks, Mom.”
    Rory smiles at her microjoke, and we all laugh nervously. Nate does a good job of hiding his disappointment.Surely he thought we’d hear from Keira by now.
    I can’t stop the urge to reach out toward him. My hand takes off and lands, gingerly, just the fingertip, on his wrist.
    “She’ll call,” I tell him.
    “I think I should try her now,” he says.
    “She knows we’re here, right? Then let her be. Let’s give it until ten o’clock before we try her. That’s a reasonable time to be checking up on someone.”
    I’m not sure how these words, which make actual sense, came out of my mouth. But suddenly, the rest of the evening rolls out before me. I can see exactly how it should go, and there’s no reason why it can’t go like that.
    Ten minutes later, our hosts are ready and we’re all headed out the door. Rory pulls herself off the couch, but Felix does not. I go over to him and kneel down, rest my chin on his thigh.
    “Come on, Felix. You’ll hate yourself if you don’t at least go for a little while. You’ll always wonder.”
    “I know,” he says sadly.
    “Besides,” I add, “I think Rory needs you there.” God, I’m awful. Playing the cards I know will beat him.
    Felix takes a deep breath, turns off the TV, then nods without meeting my eyes and stands up. I follow him out the door.

TWENTY-ONE
    I do have to hand it to Vijay and Company, because this is one hell of a party.
    The suite is identical to Dylan’s, except decorated much more ornately, every square inch of wall covered with posters, strings of colorful plastic beads draped everywhere. The ceiling is covered with shimmery CDs and old vinyl records, and a layer of little white Christmas lights that shine up into them reflects a galaxy of electric stars.
    I’m standing with Felix and Rory against one wall, shooting the room. Dylan’s been introducing us as freshmen. “She’s just getting some B-roll for a student film,” hesaid, pointing to me. I get the feeling they’re used to this kind of thing and don’t care that they’re getting caught on camera as underage drinkers.
    There’s actually a DJ spinning in the corner, and I’m told this is one of Vijay’s suitemates, hence the assumed awesomeness of the event. His gifts, apparently, are related to being able to produce great sounds at minimal volume so as not to break dorm rules.
    The room is small, so it feels more crowded than it really is, and already a dozen people are dancing. Adam and Max are grooving together and not even touching, but their attraction, their chemistry, is so loud I can almost hear it buzz along the bass line of the music. Felix watches them, his face all curiosity and examination. He’s barely looked at these two so far, but now, it’s as if he’s the only person at a private screening of the Adam and Max movie.
    Something about it seems off and decidedly un-Felix. When I think he won’t notice me, I get a shot of his expression, then pan to the guys.
    But he notices me.
    “Why did you just do that?” snaps Felix.
    “Why are you staring at them?”
    “I’m not . . .” He stops, knowing he can’t deny it. Embarrassed, and a little vulnerable, maybe. He adds, “Justine, don’t shoot me anymore. Not here. Okay?”
    “Okay.” I put the camera on pause, then look over at Rory. Even I feel overstimulated in this place, and thereare bodies coming dangerously close