Your Children Are Listening: Nine Messages They Need to Hear from You

Compassion provides us with a context in which we can place ourselves in relation to others. In doing so, we realize that people are more alike than they are different. We all want to be healthy and happy, safe and secure, and feel connected; we work, we play, we raise families. In recognizing the similarities among the most disparate people and cultures, we gain our first sense of compassion through empathy, the realization that we all feel the same things: love, sadness, joy, pain, hope, despair, inspiration, frustration.From empathy, we develop a concern for others and a wish to put others’ needs ahead of our own when necessary. What makes compassion so important is not just that it elicits thoughts and feelings of concern for others, but that it also spurs people to respond to the needs of those for whom they feel empathy.
    Compassion can enable your children to understand others who are different from themselves and will allow them to see perspectives different from their own. Compassion will enable your children to contemplate ideas and experiences that will enrich their lives and expand their worldview. It shows children the joy of reaching out to others and helping to make the world a better place. Compassion gives children care and appreciation for others and a deep connection to the world in which they live. Children learn that acting compassionately is also in their best interest. Compassion encourages others to act compassionately toward them, providing them with support and assistance when they are in need. Children learn that compassion can bring them meaning, satisfaction, and joy that they could never experience in the egocentric world in which many children now live. Compassionate children learn the important lesson that compassion begets compassion and that everyone benefits from its expression.
    Compassion has been shown to be beneficial to people in other ways. Research has found that compassion acts as armor against popular culture. People who value compassion, helping, and contributing to the world are less likely to be seduced by popular culture’s values related to wealth, materialism, superficiality, and popularity. Compassionate people have also been found to be happier and more well adjusted than those who hold values common in popular culture. They also have more energy, fewer behavioral problems, and a lower incidence of depression and anxiety than people who have bought into popular culture’s values. The bottom line is that compassion is a very good message for children to receive and integrate into their worldview.
MESSAGES OF COMPASSION
     
    Compassion starts with a thought (“I am a part of this world.”) and an emotion (“I care for others and others care for me.”), and it is only fully realized and valued when it is expressed through action (“I want to help others.”). Your challenge is to send messages to your children that encourage the value of compassion and that provoke in your children those thoughts, emotions, and actions that bring compassion into their lives. Only when children are engulfed by messages of compassion will they come to see its value and embrace it as their own.
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    MESSAGES OF COMPASSION
     
Live a compassionate life.
Surround yourself with compassionate people.
Talk to your children about compassion.
Explore compassion.
Engage your children in compassionate activities.
Teach interdependence.
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    Generosity is the most powerful way to communicate messages of compassion because, unlike thoughts and emotions, it can be observed; generosity involves acting on compassion. At the heart of generosity lies generosity of spirit, which can be thought of as a willingness, in fact, a strong desire, to give of oneself without expectation of anything in return. There are some notable qualities that help to define generosity of spirit. It is voluntary and given freely without strings attached. It has the power to produce meaningful change. It is so effective because people who are instilled with a generosity of spirit are driven to take action. Generosity of spirit is also contagious, causing others to catch and transmit this “affliction of goodness.” Finally, generosity of spirit can be expressed in many ways, based on each individual’s abilities and opportunities.
    Because of the egocentrism of children’s early years combined with the increasingly prevalent messages of selfishness and disregardfor others that popular culture communicates to