Your Heart Belongs to Me

back.
    Still sodden with sunshine and loose-limbed from being so long in the water, Ryan almost asked Samantha to drive.
    More than once, however, she glanced at him speculatively, as if she sensed that his brief nap on the beach blanket was related to the episode at the beginning of the day, when he floated like a mallard in the lineup, his heart exploding. He didn‘t want to worry her. Besides, there was no reason to worry.
    Earlier, he’d had an anxiety attack. But if truth were known, most people probably had them these days, considering the events and the pessimistic predictions that constituted the evening news.
    Instead of passing the car keys to Sam, Ryan drove the two blocks to her apartment.
     

     
    Samantha showered first while Ryan brewed a pitcher of fresh iced tea and sliced two lemons to marinate in it.
    Her cozy kitchen had a single large window beyond which stood a massive California pepper tree. The elegant limbs, festooned with weeping fernlike leaves divided into many glossy leaflets, appeared to fill the entire world, creating the illusion that her apartment was a tree house.
    The pleasant weariness that had flooded through Ryan on the beach now drained away, and a new vitality welled in him.
    He began to think of making love to Samantha. Once the urge arose, it swelled into full-blooded desire.
    Hair toweled but damp, she returned to the kitchen, wearing turquoise slacks, a crisp white blouse, and white tennies.
    If she had been in the mood, she would have been barefoot, wearing only a silk robe.
    For weeks at a time, her libido matched his, and she wanted him frequently. He had noticed that her desire was greater during those periods when she was busiest with her writing and the least inclined to consider his proposal of marriage.
    A sudden spell of virtuous restraint was a sign that she was brooding about accepting the engagement ring, as though the prospect of matrimony required that sex be regarded as something too serious, perhaps too sacred, to be indulged in lightly.
    Ryan happily accepted each turn toward abstinence when it seemed to indicate that she was on the brink of making a commitment to him. At twenty-eight, she was six years younger than he was, and they had a life of lovemaking ahead.
    He poured a glass of iced tea for her, and then he went to take a shower. He started with water nearly as cold as the tea.
     

     
    In the westering sun, the strawberry trees shed elongated leaf shadows on the flagstone floor of the restaurant patio.
    Ryan and Samantha shared a caprese salad and lingered over their first glasses of wine, not in a hurry to order entrees.
    The smooth peeling bark of the trees was red, especially so in the condensed light of the slowly declining sun.
    “Teresa loved the flowers,” Sam said, referring to her sister.
    “What flowers?”
    “On these trees. They get panicles of little urn-shaped flowers in the late spring.”
    “White and pink,” Ryan remembered.
    “Teresa said they look like cascades of tiny bells, wind chimes hung out by fairies.”
    Six years previously, Teresa had suffered serious head trauma in a traffic accident. Eventually she had died.
    Samantha seldom mentioned her sister. When she spoke of Teresa, she tended to turn inward before much had been said, mummifying her memories in long windings of silence.
    Now, as she gazed into the overhanging tree, the expression in her eyes was reminiscent of that look of longing when, straddling her surfboard in the lineup, she studied far water for the first sign of a new set of swells.
    Ryan was comfortable with Sam’s occasional silences, which he suspected were always related to thoughts of her sister, even when she had not mentioned Teresa.
    They had been identical twins.
    To better understand Sam, Ryan had read about twins who had been separated by tragedy. Apparently the survivor’s grief was often mixed with unjustified guilt.
    Some said the intense bond between identicals, especially between sisters, could not be broken even by death. A few insisted they still felt the presence of the other, akin to how an amputee often feels sensations in his phantom leg.
    Samantha’s contemplative silence gave Ryan an opportunity to study and admire her with a forthrightness that was not possible when she was aware of his stare.
    Watching her, he was nailed motionless by admiration, unable to lift his wineglass, or at least disinterested in it, his eyes alone in motion, traveling the contours of her