Again (Brandy Jeffus)

the week. It didn’t feel right, you being gone, with another guy."
    Scooting closer to me, he draws his arms tighter around my body, "Anytime someone mentioned you, my heart broke a little more. I would pass magazines in the grocery store from time to time, and they had y'all on the cover and I would almost cry right there. Seeing you with some other guy, smiling, holding on to him...it drove me crazy. I realized how stupid I was for letting you go and by that time you were already gone. I was too late."
    He sighs and continues, "I know that we should go slowly. We have to. But I just want to erase the last six years and start where we left off. Making wedding plans, talking about babies. You were going to move in with me that summer, remember?" he looks up and I nod, not able to find my voice. All this information is coming at me too fast. His eyes reflect the pain and hurt of the past. The pain and hurt that I thought only belonged to me.
    "I've waited so long for you. So long to have you again and I don't want to mess it up, Bonnie. I don't ever want to mess things up again." He starts crying softly and I feel my own tears spill onto my cheek. I cling to him, this grown man, whose tears are making their way to my bare chest. My heart aches for him, for both of us.
    "We’ll take it one day at a time, Eli. I want to be with you. I've just been so stubborn before, trying to push you away even though I knew you and I were destined for each other. One day at a time." I kiss him, deep and passionately and all I want to do is stay here, naked with my beautiful soul mate. Reality sets in though, like it always does at the most inopportune times. We have stuff to do.
    "Let's go take a shower. We still have to go shopping," I suggest smiling, breaking away from the kiss. He stands up and lifts me off the bed. He carries me through the house back to his room. We shower together, kissing for long periods of time under the water. His body is incredible, naked and wet in front of me. His arms are massive and strong. He holds me so tight, like he’s afraid I’m going to float away.
    While he’s washing my back, I say, "I have found the one whom my soul loves. Did you really get that for me?" Eli turns me around, his eyebrows in a crease, suddenly serious. He cups my cheek lightly.
    "Yes, I did. I got it the year you left to New York. It's for you, nobody else." I stand on my tiptoes and kiss him again. This makes my heart happy, my soul ecstatic.
    After getting dressed, I check my phone and see a text from my mom: Take your time. Mr. D is over and we’re watching a movie. But please don’t forget the groceries. Xoxo mama
    "Hey, do you know who Mr. D is? Some friend of Mama’s?" I ask as we leave the house.
    "Mr. Dean, the former football coach. We usually just called him Coach. He and your mother have been dating for a while. Is he over there right now?"
    I nod, perplexed. Why didn’t I know that Mama is dating Coach? Being on the road kept me preoccupied with Mick's touring schedule and I feel a stabbing pang of guilt for not being an attentive daughter like I should have been. Everything took a backseat to Mick and the gravity of just how wrong I’ve been comes at me full assault.
    We climb into the old Chevy and take off towards town.
    "So what are you cooking tonight Chef? And when exactly did you start cooking?" I smile and reach for his hand.
    Eli scoffs with mock hurt, "I've been cooking for ages now. Mostly Ramon noodles and Hamburger Helper, but I can whip some things up from scratch as well. What would you like?"
    "Shrimp, maybe? I haven't had that in ages. Not sure if Coach likes it, but I know Mama does."
    We reach the local grocery store, still run by Mr. and Mrs. Darcy, who are older than dirt, but act like teenagers. Mrs. Darcy comes up to us as we enter the store.
    "As I live and breathe, Bonnie Marie!" She hugs me tight. "And Elijah John, how have you been my dear?" She hugs Eli next.
    "Hi, Mrs. Darcy," we greet in unison. She starts talking about how she’s been praying for her and I zone out a little.
    My focus turns to Eli's face as he listens to Mrs. Darcy. Maybe I was too quick to sleep with him, maybe not. Maybe there are no rules when it comes to reuniting with someone who holds your heart. All I know is right now everything feels so right. Finally.
    After the first time I slept with Mick, I held back my tears until after he was asleep. He had been the first one after Eli that I had been with