Alien Diplomacy

sounded sincere, and I believed it. Of all of them, Leslie was the least offensive. I would have liked to hang out with her, if not for her friends.
    Bryce, on the other hand, was a tool. “So, what prompted you two to grace us with your presence?” he asked as he handed drinks around. He finished and put his arm around Leslie’s waist. She snuggled next to him with a smile. I had to give it to them—they did come off as a real couple whenever they wanted to.
    “Abner asked us over,” Eugene said.
    Bryce and Abner exchanged a look. I recognized it. It was the “goody, fresh meat” look. I stood up. “It’s been real, but I graduated from high school a long time ago. Eugene, let’s go, I need to get home.”
    “Ambassador business to handle?” Vance asked. “Or are you going to race out to find a Wet Seal to get your dress?”
    It took every ounce of my self-control, but I didn’t flip him the bird. “No, actually. I’m going to go home and hang out with people who, in point of fact, have manners.”
    Jack shook his head. “Be careful. Wouldn’t want you to cause an international incident on your way home.”
    Eugene looked as though he didn’t know if he should stay or go. Why he wanted to be tortured I had no idea, but I decided not to let him make a potentially bad decision. “Eugene, you’re my ride. I need to get home to my daughter.”
    “Right!” Eugene stood up as I grabbed my purse, which had gotten shoved under the middle of the table somehow. “See you guys Saturday night.”
    “Oh, we can’t wait,” Marcia said.
    Vance nodded. “We’re so looking forward to seeing what you two wear.”
    “And what you two do,” Abner said, managing to control a snicker. “We can’t wait for that.”
    Bryce did snicker, Leslie looked as though she wanted to be anywhere else, and Nathalie didn’t look up from her phone. I got the impression she was playing Angry Birds and really couldn’t tear herself away for anything less than a nuclear threat.
    “I’ll bet you can’t.”
    Abner gave me a slow smile. “My money’s on you doing a striptease after you’ve had one drink. You are named for a stripper, right? Your mother, perhaps?”
    I wanted to punch his face in, but that actually would cause an international incident. Besides, I’d grown up watching people taunt Chuckie this way. He’d never let them goad him into something stupid, and I did learn by example.
    I leaned closer to Abner, however, and got right into his face. He clearly hadn’t expected it, at least if I took his eyes widening and shifting all over as proof. “Abner? You and your ridiculous name better pray that my mother and I don’t decide to strip your ass down for parts. Though I have to bet you’d only be useful if we needed some manure really quickly.”
    With that, I spun on my heel and left, Eugene, thankfully, coming with me.
    “See you Saturday night,” Bryce called. “If you survive that long.”
    “My Glock, my Glock,” I muttered as we strode off. “My kingdom for my Glock.” Like so many things, I wasn’t allowed to carry it to the Washington Wife class, presumably because everyone knew I’d use it.
    “What?” Eugene asked.
    “Nothing. Just having another really nostalgic moment.”
    Eugene sighed. “I miss my old job and where we used to live. No one ever acted like this.”
    “Dude, you’re speaking to my soul. I miss my old job like you wouldn’t believe.”
    I wondered if there was any way to lure a few parasitic jellyfish over, toss them onto those people, and then kill them, all in the name of saving humanity.
    Probably not. I never lucked into good things like that.



CHAPTER 3
    “W ELL, THAT WAS HELL ON EARTH,” I said finally when we were far enough away that I knew there was no chance they could hear us.
    “Sorry,” Eugene said. “I knew we should have pretended we didn’t see them.”
    “Like we had a choice? But not to worry. I plan to spill something that stains permanently on all their clothes at the ball, so it’ll all even out.”
    Eugene stared at me. “Seriously?”
    “Dead seriously.”
    He grinned. “Punch?”
    “I’m thinking of some kind of oil, like WD-40, possibly mixed with dirt, breast milk, foundation, and chocolate. Very, very hard to get out.”
    “I might enjoy the ball after all,” Eugene said almost cheerfully.
    I looked around as we walked on. The riot of spring was in full force, but while the colors were pretty, they weren’t desert