Alien Tango

I’ve never been here before. I’ll send someone to fetch you. Where’re you at?”
    I looked at Gower. He gave me the universal “fake it” sign. Brian shook his head. “Tell him you’re at the break room.”
    “We’re in the break room. I was parched. The water here is like glass, it’s delicious. And you know, they have lots of things you can’t find at home. I’m so hungry I could eat a raw chicken whole.”
    “Um, oh, yeah?” I could tell by his voice that this clue wasn’t giving Reader anything to work with. “Well, when we can get out of here, I’ll take you to dinner.”
    “You’re so much more in tune with me than Jack the Jerk. By the way, I want to go to dinner someplace where they sell regional specialties, like jerked chicken, fried alligator, and hush puppies. You know how I love fried foods.”
    “Oh! Yeah? Yeah, but, uh, I don’t know how you think we’re going to get out of here any time soon, babe.”
    “Well, if we can’t get out, maybe we can find someone who can bring it in. Soon, since I’m really starving. And, if not, I’ll have Peter and Carlton put their mind spell onto whoever tries to stop us. I’m ready to take over, aren’t you?”
    “So ready.” Turco shoved the gun into Reader’s head. “Babe, I’m sending those guys for you now. Sit tight, okay? Like you always do when I ask.”
    “You know I can’t help but follow your orders to the letter, babycakes.”
    “It’s why I love you, sugartits.” Scary situation or not, I almost lost it and laughed.
    “See you soon, my walrus-boy.” We hung up, and I saw Turco motion to a couple of the Security creeps. They were going out the side opposite where we were.
    “Sugartits?” Gower asked me. “Walrus-boy?”
    “Don’t. I can barely control the inner hyena right now.”
    “I get sugartits,” Gower admitted. “But walrus-boy?”
    Brian blushed. “Rumor has it the walrus has the second largest . . . you know . . . of all mammals.”
    Gower looked at me and started to grin. “Don’t start, Paul, or we’ll all lose it.” Despite the situation, I was close to losing it anyway. The only saving grace was that Martini wasn’t here.
    Turco was talking to Reader again. “You and your girlfriend are sick and twisted, ‘walrus-boy.’ Typical alien scum.”
    “He thinks James is an alien?” Gower asked.
    “He’s good-looking enough, so I don’t doubt it.”
    Reader shrugged. “So, what’s your boyfriend call you , Turco?”
    “I’m not gay, you sick son of an alien bitch,” Turco snarled.
    “They seem gay to me ,” Tim said, from behind Reader. He was tied up in the same way. “I think this one’s the groom,” he jerked his head at Taft.
    “We have to stop those Security guys.” They were out of the room, and I couldn’t see them any more.
    “I’ll do it,” Brian said.
    “Not alone.” Gower seemed torn. “Look, we’ll be there and back fast. Kitty, will you be okay here alone?”
    “Sure, even though I won’t be able to hear what’s going on. Get going. The faster you take them out, the faster you’re back.”
    Gower nodded, grabbed Brian’s hand, and then they disappeared. I looked back inside. Tim and Reader were getting a couple of nice hits to the stomach. I saw my five pilots’ mouths moving, and they started getting hit, too. I assumed they were all following Reader’s lead with the gay-baiting.
    I wasn’t destined to have to watch this too much longer. I heard something, then smelled something, and saw Christopher carrying a reasonably small alligator, maybe only six feet long. It was clearly pissed and struggling. He was having some trouble with it, particularly since he was crouched down.
    “Kitty,” he gasped. “Open the damn door!”

CHAPTER 44
    THE ONLY ISSUE WITH OPENING the door and releasing the alligator was that I didn’t have hyperspeed, and Gower wasn’t here to have ACE do crowd protection. On the other hand, it was clear Christopher wasn’t going to hang on too much longer.
    I compromised. I reached up, flung the door open, and screamed, “ALLIGATOR IN THE HOUSE!” as loud as I possibly could.
    Christopher shoved it in and slammed the door. We both dropped to the floor. I could hear screams and gunfire. “I hope that’s working like we wanted it to.”
    “It’s a plan of yours, Kitty. I’m sure it’s going to go haywire somewhere.”
    “Thanks for the vote of confidence. By the way, not clear on the idea of a big ’gator, were