Always Watching

buildings, there looked to be a barn, but I could only make out its roof, and in the wind, the wet scent of manure, hay, and animals. Near one of the fields, an old plow had been abandoned, moss growing over it, and in a puddle I spotted a child’s wooden toy train, its wheels broken. I remembered reading in the brochure that they had a school and an early-childhood educational department.
    As I followed the signs to the office, I slowed my pace, my feet crunching on the gravel, wondering which building housed Aaron. I glanced back, feeling myself being watched, and noticed a child’s face peeking out from above a windowsill. A little boy, with a pale face and big eyes, his blond hair all in curls. He gave me a cheeky grin, then disappeared, the curtain dropping back in place. I wondered how many more children lived at the commune.
    I found the office. There was a doorbell, with a sign saying Please ring after hours. I pressed the buzzer, which emitted a pleasant peal of chimes. I caught sight of a camera up in the corner, the red light blinking, and remembered Heather’s fear in the hospital. He sees everything. After a few minutes, the door opened. My body tensed, waiting for Aaron to appear, but it was a young woman, long-haired and clean-faced, in jeans and a white sweater.
    She smiled. “Can I help you?”
    I smiled back. “I hope so. My daughter is missing, and I’d like to know if she’s staying here. I’m very worried about her.”
    Her expression kind, she said, “I’m sorry, but we can’t give out information on our guests.”
    I said, “I’d like to speak with Aaron then, please.”
    She studied me. “He doesn’t see people without appointments.”
    “I think he’ll see me. I knew him when I was a child. If you could let him know that Nadine Jaeger is here, I’d appreciate it very much.”
    She nodded, then said, “I’ll ask. Would you like to come in and wait?”
    “Please.”
    She led me inside. The office building was cozy and inviting, with tiled floors in earth tones, more wood beams, and a counter made from a long slab of cedar, stained a natural shade. Behind the counter, I could see some phones, a fax machine, a computer, and other business equipment. There was a door behind the counter that obviously led to some back offices. The front office opened up on the right to another smaller room, where there were books and crystals and CDs, and some basic sundries, like a gift shop at a resort. The woman motioned to some chairs and said, “I’ll see if Aaron will meet with you.” She disappeared into the back. I sat down on one of the chairs, noticing a small table with a scattering of magazines, mostly on health and meditation, living an organic life.
    Finally, nearly fifteen minutes later, the door opened. I held my breath expecting to see Aaron, but it was the woman again. She walked toward me with a smile. “If you’d like to follow me, Aaron will speak with you.” I assumed that Aaron’s offices would also be in this building, but she turned and exited out the front door, saying, “This way, please.”
    We walked back to the main building and entered through a side entrance. So she must’ve phoned Aaron from the other office. I followed the young woman down a hall, my eyes taking in everything. So far, the commune seemed simple on the inside, almost rustic, in keeping with the West Coast–resort feeling. The floors were earth-toned tiles, the walls a flat white, the odd tapestry hung here and there. Broad cedar beams were fitted into the ceilings. The air was perfumed but not overly, just a mixture of the wood and something natural, like an essential oil. It reminded me of a spa I’d been to in the past. Doors opened off the hallway, but they were mostly closed. One that was gapped revealed a simple room: wooden single bed in the corner, one chest, a chair, the bedding all in white.
    A few more doors down, we passed a room that looked like it was for ceremonies; mats on the floor radiated out from a dais. Large windows behind showed the wind lashing a tree in a courtyard. I could well imagine Aaron standing there, promising to end your suffering forever if you just followed his teachings. Then I envisioned his bringing up members to confess their sins, saw my daughter sharing her darkest secrets, baring her soul for this man to tear apart.
    We walked by another room, and I caught a quick glimpse of chairs clustered around small tables, children’s drawings lining the