Ambient 06 - Going, Going, Gone

figured his barber used a paper cutter. The other was good old Biff Baff Bop, still wearing his orange Perry Como underneath a bright burgundy jacket. If either had had whale appliques he’d have been the toast of Hyannis.
    »The Shake-Out awaits,« Crewy Lou purred, giving us the old Brought to You By Ovaltine voice.
    »Walter,« Burt said. »Good to see you. And you’ve brought open minds.«
    I looked behind me, supposing he met my companions. »That’s not all I brought,« I said, starting to go through the door. »Where can we –«
    »You choose?« asked Crewy Lou. His complexion was so rosy I’d have liked to compliment the embalmers on a job well done.
    Burt nodded, suggesting to me that I should do as asked. »I choose.« Odd to be my age and needing to say the secret sign to be let into the treehouse but I’ve done stranger. I gave the ladies a nod and they chimed in. The gatekeepers blinked, hearing Chlo’s pipsqueak snarl, but if it troubled them they didn’t make a production number out of it.
    »Enter,« said the buzzcut one. »Seize opportunity before it seizes you.«
    The Dynamos didn’t seem to be as dynamic as I’d thought they might be when it came to pulling in the marks. There weren’t more than sixty people in the room. All the Dynamos, like Burt, wore burgundy jackets and looked, to a man, as if they were getting over concussions; they numbered about fifteen. The rest were comparative innocents, the same batch of semi-professionals, executive secretaries, dental hygienists and veterinarians I’d seen back at the HQ.
    »Burt, listen,« I said, »I’d like to go ahead and get this taken care of.«
    »There’s no rush,« he said. His grin had grown goofier since we’d first met, and I started to think that once you were finally accepted into the Dynamos, the next step was to have the frontal lobes removed. As I looked around the room I marvelled at the fact that this seemed to be a mixer where nobody mixed. If they’d been playing musical chairs earlier, they’d stopped; everybody’d already taken seats in four different rings spaced throughout the big room, which was one of those Louis the umpteenth places with the mirrors and red plush bagnio curtains and little gold cherubs in the corners leering at you. Three of the ringleaders stood in the centre of their circles, looking like they couldn’t wait to start laying down the old zingo. »Friends,« Crewy Lou intoned, creeping up behind us, »find seats. Take them.«
    »Walter,« Burt said, stepping away; not a pleasant sight, under the circumstances. »Take the opportunity to let your outside command your inside. We’ll take care of matters following the shake out.«
    »Really, I was hoping we’d be able to move along,« I said, the tips of my fingers beginning to twitch. Trying to calm myself I stuck my hands in my pockets and started fiddling with the tube. »I had another appointment –«
    »It can wait,« Crewy said, sliding around to interpose his body between myself and Irish’s lobotomized pal. »Find seats. Take them.«
    »I don’t think you get me –«
    Crewy Lou leaned forward, his eyes as warm as a coyote’s, and repeated his riff. »Find seats. Take them.«
    Just at that moment my nerves got the better of me, my brothers, and I pulled a trick that would have shamed a greenhorn. As I jiggled open the tube’s sleeve my finger slid inside, and jarred loose the cap. That cool cool wetness, enough to assure that I’d be sailing like Icarus through the next day and a half. Removing my paw as if I’d set it on fire, I rubbed my hand along the hem of my jacket, but it was too late.
    »If you say so.« The three thousand things running through my mind just then kept me from remembering how long it’d taken to blast off the time I’d tried this stuff before. No question I’d soaked up more this time around. »Any recommendations?«
    »Sit here,« he said, pointing to empty chairs in the nearest circle. »In my nutshell.«
    Sudden gushers spurted from beneath my arms as I sat but it was too early to know if it was simple nerves or the first symptoms. My chickadees perched on either side of my roost. While Crewy was shedding his red threads I wasted no time laying down the bad news.
    »Emergency,« I whispered, nudging Eulie. My nose was already starting to get cold as the capillaries began to close off.
    »Pardon?«
    Glancing up I felt a shakiness coming over me, noting that I could already perceive the pink border