Apocalypsis 02 - Warpaint

had in common and could talk about, but I decided to wait until we were done. I needed them to be focused on the training and not their injured friend.
    Might as well get started, then. I rubbed my hands together and then clapped them once before speaking.
    “Peter is going to be my partner today, since he’s the odd man out.”
    “Oh goody,” he said.
    I shot him an angry look and he immediately got with the program.
    “Sorry. I’ll behave.”
    I turned my attention back to the group. “I’m going to teach you my two favorite moves today. These will be the ones you’ll use most often, probably. I’ll show you with Peter in slow motion, and then you can practice with a partner.”
    I reached over and pulled Peter to me before facing them to explain. “First, the easiest move. The one that will save your bacon more than anything. I call it the nut crusher .” I turned back to Peter and said, “Peter, spread your legs.”
    He put his hands over his crotch. “You must be out of your mind, Bryn. Did you spend too much time in the sun today?”
    Some of the girls giggled.
    “I’m not really going to kick you. Just relax. You can keep your hands there if you want.” I looked at the girls. “Most guys will not expect you to go for the balls right off the bat. They expect you to struggle, not fight, or run. But the most important thing is not to telegraph your moves ahead of time.”
    “Come at me,” I said to Peter, taking two steps back to put some distance between us.
    “What?” He looked confused.
    I waved my hands, gesturing for him to come to me. “Walk towards me like you’re going to attack me.”
    He took two tentative steps forward, his hands still cupped over his crotch, causing more giggles to erupt from the group.
    “Peter. Could you be any less threatening?”
    He looked like he was about to faint in fear. “My balls may be small, but they’re sensitive!”
    I laughed. “Who said anything about small balls here?”
    I didn’t mean for that to be a joke, but the laughter was nearly out of control now. I reached up and pinched the bridge of my nose for a second, trying to think of a way to get us back to something resembling a serious session, and also trying to keep the smile off my face. I could hardly expect them to be serious if I couldn’t be.
    “Okay, fine,” I said. “I’ll attack you. When I get close, don’t look at my balls, look at my face. Lift up your hands like you’re going to slap me, but balance your weight on your back leg a little.”
    He looked at me totally straight-faced and said, “I’m sorry, but you lost me at, ‘Don’t look at my balls’.”
    I gave up. The laughter had gotten to the point that some of the girls were gasping for air. “Bring it in, Peter. Let’s just sit down and talk, first.”
    He came walking over, still cupping his nuts, earning him new respect from the girls. He was our new funnyman, brave in the face of badass Bryn, renowned buttkicker. I had known that I would have to use different tactics with the girls, but until Peter had started his comedy routine, I hadn’t realized how different. I was mad at him at first for ruining my setup, but quickly changed my mind as I realized this would be better. I just hoped I could pull it off and not just turn the whole thing into a big emotional, angry mess.
    “Alright, so, everyone get your breath back and I’ll go over a few things with you.” I looked around and saw that for the most part, they were in control. The only one not laughing at all was Coli. Of course.
    “I’m going to talk to you about some serious crap; not because I don’t like goofing around or having fun and want to throw a wet blanket on you, but because the reason we’re doing these exercises really is serious. It could mean the difference between life and death for many of you. Or your friends or family.”
    That got their attention, at least. Now it was time to go for the gut.
    “You all know how seriously hurt Celia was.” I looked around at their faces, the laughter now completely gone. Some of it was replaced with sadness and some with anger - possibly at me.
    “When I first met her, she attacked me with a baseball bat.” I waited for that to sink in. Some of the girls nodded, apparently approving of her tactics.
    “But here I am. I arrived on your doorstep a few hours later. Did any of you see any lumps on me?”
    “I saw a bruise on your shoulder,” said Coli with attitude.
    “Yeah. Because