Apocalypsis 04 - Haven

“She’s always bothering Jenny. She’s come to me a couple times asking for advice on how to convince her to share the codes. I always tell her to just drop it.”
    “Thank you for that,” I said, glad Paci was smart enough to know how to handle her without advice from me. “Gail is the last person in this entire place I’d trust with the codes.”
    “Exactly. She makes me really nervous.”
    “We have to decide what to do with her. Like have a trial or something. I need you and Trip there to help me. I can’t do this on my own.”
    “The mark of a true leader … knowing when to ask for help.”
    “I learned a lot of what I know from my dad but also from your brother.”
    Paci smiled briefly before looking a little sad. “Yeah. My brother taught me everything I know. I didn’t really appreciate that before, but I do now.”
    We rounded the corner to the front of the building and saw Bodo standing at the fence, staring out towards our traps set into the road.
    “Go ahead inside. I’m going to talk to him,” I said.
    “See you in a few.” Paci left me, passing through the open glass door. Gail’s bad news had apparently made its way to the lobby. I could see and hear kids talking in groups.
    I walked over to join Bodo. I stood at his side for a little while, saying nothing. Things were more than strained between us. We’d pretty much taken a time out, spending more time apart than together. We each had our own cell-rooms, and they weren’t near one another.
    “Hi,” he said finally. His voice was rough with emotion.
    “Hi.”
    “Is dare a problem?”
    “Yes. Gail again.”
    “She needts to go.”
    “Yes, she does.” My chest tightened. There was so much to say, but I didn’t want to be the one to start.
    “I think I should go too,” Bodo finally said. “Maybe chust to have a break for a little while.”
    I pressed my lips together to keep them from trembling. This was so not the time for this. But it was happening, and to stop it would have been disrespectful.
    “Why? Why do you have to go? It’s dangerous out there.”
    “Yes, it is. Dat’s true. But in here it’s dangerous too.” He looked down at the ground, holding onto the fence with his fingers above his head while he kicked the gravel with his toe.
    “Not really. It’s safer here than most places.”
    “Maybe for some things. But for my heart, it is not safe. It is destroying.”
    I knew what he meant. Every day that I saw him moving around without me, doing his thing and smiling when I wasn’t a part of his life, a little piece of me felt like it shriveled up and died or something. It was a painful process, this one of letting go.
    “Where would you go? To the Amazons’ place?”
    “Maybe. Or maybe I will go to da Keys and make anudder contact point for us.”
    “A pilgrimage?” I asked, kind of joking but kind of not. Maybe a road trip is what Bodo would need to get his head back on straight.
    “I don’t know what dat is. But I needt to find my own place dat doesn’t have Paci dare.”
    I sighed. “Why is it always about Paci? I haven’t done anything to be with him. I’ve been all alone since … since I found out about what you did. Since before that - since the day I told him I could never be with him because I was with you.”
    He dropped his hands from the fence and looked at me. “But you are not with me. Not now.”
    Tears were in his eyes and mine too. I shook my head. “No, you’re right. I’m not. I wanted to just forget that you lied. I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I was so disappointed in you, Bodo.” My words were barely a whisper. We were finally saying what had been cooking in our minds and hearts for two weeks. It was horrible but necessary.
    “We both didt bad things.”
    “Yes. We did. But I told you the truth, all of it. Without you even asking me about it. I’m not saying I’m guilt-free, but I think I did the best I could under the circumstances. And I told you so you’d have the option to make your choice about me. But you didn’t.” My voice trembled with emotion. “You outright lied. You kept things from me. Even when I confronted you, you continued to lie. If Kirsten hadn’t come here and visited us, I’d still probably be living under the shadow of your lies.”
    His jaw clenched. “Kirsten.”
    “Don’t be mad at her. She wants you for hers. She’s very up front and honest. You can’t blame her for trying to take you away.”
    “I blame her for