Arthur & George

contrary: the country is turbulent and primitive, while the city is where life becomes orderly and modern. Of course Birmingham is not without crime and vice and discord – else there would be less of a living for solicitors – but it seems to George that human conduct is more rational here, and more obedient to the law: more civil.
    George finds something both serious and comforting in his daily transit into the city. There is a journey, there is a destination: this is how he has been taught to understand life. At home, the destination is the Kingdom of Heaven; at the office, the destination is justice, that is to say, a successful outcome for your client; but both journeys are full of forking paths and booby traps laid by the opponent. The railway suggests how it ought to be, how it could be: a smooth ride to a terminus on evenly spaced rails and according to an agreed timetable, with passengers divided among first-, second-and third-class carriages.
    Perhaps this is why George feels quietly enraged when anyone seeks to harm the railway. There are youths – men, perhaps – who take knives and razors to the leather window straps; who senselessly attack the picture frames above the seats ; who loiter on footbridges and try to drop bricks into the locomotive’s chimney. This is all incomprehensible to George. It may seem a harmless game to place a penny on the rail and see it flattened to twice its diameter by a passing express; but George regards it as a slippery slope which leads to train wrecking.
    Such actions are naturally covered by the criminal law. George finds himself increasingly preoccupied by the civil connection between passengers and the railway company. A passenger buys a ticket, and at that moment, with consideration given and received, a contract springs into being. But ask that passenger what kind of contract he or she has entered into, what obligations are laid upon the parties, what claim for compensation might be pursued against the railway company in case of lateness, breakdown or accident, and answer would come there none. This may not be the passenger’s fault: the ticket alludes to a contract, but its detailed terms are only displayed at certain main-line stations and at the offices of the railway company – and what busy traveller has the time to make a diversion and examine them? Even so, George marvels at how the British, who gave railways to the world, treat them as a mere means of convenient transport, rather than as an intense nexus of multiple rights and responsibilities.
    He decides to appoint Horace and Maud as the Man and Woman on the Clapham Omnibus – or, in the present instance, the Man and Woman on the Walsall, Cannock & Rugeley Train. He is allowed to use the schoolroom as his law court. He sits his brother and sister at desks and presents them with a case he has recently come across in the foreign law reports.
    ‘Once upon a time,’ he begins, walking up and down in a way that seems necessary to the story, ‘there was a very fat Frenchman called Payelle, who weighed twenty-five stones.’
    Horace starts giggling. George frowns at his brother and grips his lapels like a barrister. ‘No laughter in court,’ he insists. He proceeds. ‘Monsieur Payelle bought a third-class ticket on a French train.’
    ‘Where was he going?’ asks Maud.
    ‘It doesn’t matter where he was going.’
    ‘Why was he so fat?’ demands Horace. This
ad hoc
jury seems to believe it may ask questions whenever it likes.
    ‘I don’t know. He must have been even greedier than you. In fact, he was so greedy that when the train pulled in, he found he couldn’t get through the door of a third-class carriage.’ Horace starts tittering at the idea. ‘So next he tried a second-class carriage, but he was too fat to get into that as well. So then he tried a first-class carriage –’
    ‘And he was too fat to get into that too!’ Horace shouts, as if it were the conclusion to a joke.
    ‘No, members of the jury, he found that this door was indeed wide enough. So he took a seat, and the train set off for – for wherever it was going. After a while the ticket collector came along, examined his ticket, and asked for the difference between the third-class fare and the first-class fare. Monsieur Payelle refused to pay. The railway company sued Payelle. Now, do you see the problem?’
    ‘The problem is he was too fat,’ says Horace, and starts giggling again.
    ‘He didn’t have enough money to