Baby Be Mine

problem.’
    ‘It’s fine. Tonight I think I need some girl time.’
    ‘That suits me, too,’ she replies. ‘But for God’s sake, put Johnny out of your mind. He’s bad for you.’
    I know she’s right, but tonight I can’t. He’s all I can think about. Bess enjoys every minute of the Saldo Sorvie gig, and while I dance along like everyone else in the crowd, all I can think about is Johnny’s eyes, while my heart flips over and over and over. He’s consuming me again, but, if he’s finished with Dana, that no longer seems like such a bad thing.
    I don’t want to go to the after-show party – I just want to get home to ‘my boys’ – but I can’t do that to Bess, so we go and I pretend to have a good time. I’m a pretty good actress when I need to be. Maybe I could look into that as a career?
    ‘Stop pretending to have a good time,’ Bess says at eleven o’clock.
    Maybe not, re the actress thing.
    ‘I’m not pretending.’
    ‘Yes, you are. You can’t fool me.’
    Okay, definitely not, re the actress thing.
    ‘Stop thinking about him,’ she adds.
    ‘Thinking about who?’ Nope, won’t work. ‘I can’t,’ I come clean.
    ‘Jesus, you don’t even seem miserable about the fact.’
    ‘He’s split up with Dana!’ I point out, my eyes wide with excitement.
    ‘You don’t know that for sure.’ She brings me down to earth with a bump.
    ‘I do.’ My tone is resolute. ‘I feel like it’s over. They’re not right for each other. She’s a silly cow and she’s no good for him.’
    ‘The press seem to think she’s The One.’
    ‘Don’t believe everything you read.’ The phrase trips off my tongue, but Bess devours the tabloids regularly . . . ‘Why, what have you heard?’ I ask curiously.
    She sighs. ‘You really should read the papers more.’
    ‘I’d rather you just fill me in, thanks.’
    She hesitates before continuing. ‘You know the pair of them were snapped looking at rings in San Francisco recently?’
    Nausea swamps me. ‘That doesn’t mean anything,’ I reply.
    ‘Maybe not,’ she agrees. ‘But they looked pretty loved-up to me.’
    ‘Let’s not talk about this anymore,’ I suddenly decide. ‘I think we need another drink.’
    But half an hour after that, we call it a night and go home.
    The sickness in my stomach is replaced by a jittery feeling as we walk through the front door. I wonder if he’s still awake. Should I go to his room to retrieve the monitor? The lights are on low in the living room, but it’s deserted. Hang on, the terrace doors are open. I turn back to look at Bess.
    ‘Night, night, then.’
    ‘Meg . . .’ It’s that warning tone again.
    ‘Please,’ I beg. I don’t want her to make this harder for me. I can’t stay away from him. Not now. Not ever.
    She gives me a sad look and heads up the stairs. I watch after her, waiting until she’s in her room before I walk to the terrace doors. It’s dark outside, so I look for the light of his cigarette. I can smell smoke, so he’s out here somewhere, but I can’t see anything. And then I hear her. I freeze on the spot as my eyes adjust to the darkness. I stare in the direction of the tiny gasps which are punctuated by low grunts, and then I see Dana, her naked back visible in the moonlight as she rocks on top of Johnny on a sunlounger beside the pool.
    Bile rises up in my throat. I turn and flee into the house, my heart pounding. I run up the stairs, thankful only that she had her back to me as she screwed the one-time love of my life, and then I hide in the safety of my bedroom. I stand against the door, breathing heavily, hot tears in my eyes, and finally my pulse calms down and I remember my son. I angrily brush away my tears, knowing full well that my anger is directed at myself as much as at Johnny and that stupid cow out there, and then I walk out of my bedroom and down the landing to Barney’s room. I go inside. He’s sleeping peacefully, his low murmur audible only to me. I reach down and push his hair away from his face and then bend down to kiss his brow. The tears return, only this time they’re full of sorrow. I straighten up as a shadow is cast across the doorway. I spin around and my heart stops when I see Johnny standing there. I compose myself and go to the door. He steps aside to let me through and then I close it behind me and turn to face him.
    ‘I heard something on the monitor,’ he explains, not meeting my eyes as he hands it over.
    I stare at his face as I