Baltimore 03 - Did You Miss Me?

back of Ciccotelli’s door and wishing that he had a crayon drawing of his own. Now he did. He rubbed the back of his hand across his mouth, hard. Then swallowed harder.
    Very carefully he folded the paper and slid it in the inner pocket of his jacket. ‘Tell . . .’ He had to clear his throat. ‘Tell Cordelia that I will keep this forever.’
    ‘I will.’ Emil patted his back. ‘Now go see my daughter so that you can go home and sleep. You look exhausted.’
    Clay nodded, waved to them lamely, and hit the call button to be let into the unit itself. He sanitized his hands as he waited, aware that the three Nicolescus watched his every step. Finally the door opened and he was waved in.
    ‘You only have a few minutes,’ the nurse warned. ‘Did you wash your hands?’
    ‘I used the hand sanitizer.’
    ‘Well, wash your hands here.’ She pointed to a sink, then scrutinized his face. ‘Your face too. Especially if you plan on kissing her again,’ she added in a mutter.
    Clay’s face heated. He hadn’t even considered that anyone had been watching him before. ‘Yes, ma’am.’
    ‘But first, lose the dirty jeans. I’ll get you some scrubs.’
    ‘Yes, ma’am,’ he said again. He changed into the scrubs, then washed his hands, scrubbing until it was a wonder he had any skin.
    Then he steadied himself and walked into her room. She was asleep again, her face still so pale. But maybe she had a little more color. Or maybe that’s just what he wanted to see.
    He sat on the edge of the chair by her bed, elbows on his knees, hunching over until his forehead rested on the cold metal of the bed rail. I’m so tired . But not just of this day. ‘I’m so damn tired of my life,’ he whispered.
    He wasn’t sure how long he sat there with his head down, certain that any minute the nurse would make him leave. Then the bed rail trembled and his hair was brushed off his forehead. Stevie . Slowly he lifted his head, afraid he’d scare her. Or that he’d been dreaming again.
    Her eyes were open and staring at him. Her hand had fallen back to the bed, as if that was all the energy she’d had to spare.
    ‘Hi,’ he said quietly. ‘I won’t stay long. I just wanted to see you.’
    She shook her head, just a little, and his heart sank.
    ‘All right. I’ll go now.’ He stood and her eyes flashed annoyance. She lifted the hand that wasn’t connected to any tubes and crooked her finger before letting the hand fall again. She wanted him to stay. ‘Okay.’ He started to sit again when she rolled her eyes. ‘What?’ he asked, frustrated.
    The look she gave him left no doubt that she was more frustrated. She crooked her finger again and he bent close. ‘What?’ he whispered.
    She searched his face, then once again lifted her hand. To touch his lips. She touched the corner of her own mouth before sinking into the bed, her body drained. Her eyes were narrowed in question.
    ‘Did I kiss you?’
    A single nod.
    ‘If I say yes, am I going to get yelled at?’
    Another nod. And the slight curving of her mouth around the tube.
    His heart began to race. ‘If I do it again, what will you do?’
    Her eyes changed, grew very serious. Sad. Her shoulder lifted.
    His racing heart slowed, stuttering. ‘This didn’t change anything, did it?’
    She looked away.
    ‘I never took you for a coward, Stevie,’ he said quietly and her gaze swung back, angrily. ‘Did I make you mad? Good. I’m glad. Because you make me mad. If today didn’t change anything for you, then you’re either a liar or a fool. And I never took you for either of those, either.’ He leaned closer, until he could see every dark eyelash. ‘I’m not a coward or liar, but I might be a fool because I’m not giving up on you. Nor am I giving you up. So consider yourself on notice, Detective Mazzetti. Things will be different when you get out of here. I’m not going to wait forever, because we don’t have forever. If things had been any different this morning, we might not even have this moment. So if you’re not “ready”, then you’d best spend your time in here figuring out how to get “ready”.’
    He let the words hang between them while she stared up at him, her nostrils flaring slightly. ‘And you need to know that if that tube weren’t sticking down your throat that I’d be kissing you the way I’ve wanted to for a long, long time.’ He flicked a glance at the heart monitor, his lips quirking at the jump in her pulse. ‘That’s