Beach Blanket Santa

together what had happened. She’d not only been desperately attracted to him, she’d also seen him as someone with potential. Serious potential. He was intelligent, witty, and unbearably handsome, just the sort of guy she’d always known she’d fall for. The more champagne she’d had, the better he’d looked. And the better he’d looked, the more devastated she was by her secret. Here he was, this super terrific guy, and their mutual attraction was powerful. So powerful, Sarah wasn’t sure if she could fight it. Part of her wanted to totally give in, see if things would follow through and they might begin a relationship. But most of her was utterly terrified that what had happened in the past would occur again. In her fits and starts between wanting him and wanting to flee from him in order to protect her still fragile heart, she’d drunk herself silly.
    If only she’d believed it wouldn’t have made a difference to Matt, she would have told him the truth. But he was so clearly into his family and the concept of a big, happy brood. After spending time with him this week at the beach, she believed that more than ever. His background was not just Italian but also Catholic. Sarah recalled all the toasts and jokes that were made at Elaine and Robert’s wedding about making tons of babies, and quickly. Creating lots of little Salvatores was clearly a family expectation, one that she’d be unable to fulfill.
    Needing to distract herself from her pain, Sarah switched on her satellite radio. It was set to a blues station, and the song Stormy Weather began to play. As if on cue, light rain began to ping against the windshield, flecking it with little dots of moisture that ran in sad streaks down the glass. Don’t know why there’s no sun up in the sky. Stormy weather, since my man and I ain’t together. Keeps raining all of the time… She shut her eyes as Etta James crooned on, and the memories from the week flooded back. Catching Matt by surprise as he emerged in a towel from the outdoor shower… Enjoying movies and board games together… Matt wrapping his arms around her during that very sexy baking lesson… Kissing him in the rain and in the snow… And finally, that truly magical Christmas tree he’d so lovingly crafted for her on Christmas morning morning.
    A horn blared, and Sarah opened her eyes to see the queue ahead of her was moving, the ferryman motioning vehicles onto the broad deck of the boat. She wiped her tears with her coat sleeve and set her vehicle in gear, her hands trembling. Despite the damp cold, her heart was on fire, burning like a forest blaze consuming its final pine. There was nothing much left of her; she had nothing left to give. Why, then, had Matt seemed to trust that she did? Sarah rolled onto the ferry, her SUV rising and falling over the loading ramp with a jolt. Stormy weather… All I can do is pray the Lord will let me…walk in the sun once more… Just then, a beam of sunlight streaked in through her windshield from behind a faraway cloud.
    The Christmas-tree-shaped crystal dangling from Sarah’s rearview mirror pivoted in its glow, dazzling her with an astounding array of color. Matt’s words came back to her in a husky whisper. “There’s a rainbow after every storm,” he’d said, looking into her eyes. “You just need to believe it.”
    Sarah’s heart beat faster as she knew suddenly what she must do. She could no longer run from her life. She had to confront it head-on. She needed to start by gathering her courage to explain things to Matt. Even if he didn’t want her after what she had to say, he deserved to hear the truth. He’d been nothing but good and kind to her. So thoughtful and romantic too. It was wrong of her to leave without any explanation at all, leaving him to wonder if he’d somehow been at fault. How could she do that to someone as great as him when the blame was hers and hers alone? It was time for her to stand up and own it, letting the cards fall where they may. But oh, didn’t her heart hope that would land her in Matt’s arms.
    She glanced in her rearview mirror and gasped. Another car was getting loaded onto the ferry behind her. Then another…and yet another still. “Wait!” she shouted, throwing up her hands. The ferryman continued his work, unable to hear her. She couldn’t let this happen. Not here, not today. The year was coming to an end, so maybe it was time to consider new beginnings. Sarah laid on her horn and