Coda 01 - Promises

minute ago.” He took a couple of deep breaths, and then I felt him relax around me. “Good.” Still, I didn’t move, although it was one of the hardest things I had ever done. “Tell me when you’re ready.” I knew exactly how, after a few seconds, that first feeling of fullness and discomfort and slight pain would start to feel like something much better.
    I kissed the back of his neck and felt him squirming a little under me, trying to accommodate me. Then his breath caught. He let out a soft moan. Then his whole body seemed to relax a little more, and he pushed his ass up against me.
    That was good enough for me. Very slowly, I started to move. Only two or three strokes and he was with me, panting underneath me, arching his back against me. I knew I wouldn’t last much longer. I slid my hand underneath him. His hand was still there, although it wasn’t moving. I pushed it away and grabbed his cock, started to pump it in time with my thrusts. He lifted his hips up off the bed, which gave my hand more room to work and allowed me to penetrate a little deeper at the same time.
    “Oh Jesus, Jared.” It was almost a sob. “Oh Jesus, I can’t….” “Can’t what?”
He didn’t answer, just shook his head.
“What’s wrong?”
    Nothing seemed to be wrong. He was definitely pushing against me, breathing hard, his erection thrusting in and out of my hand as I pushed in and out of him, and I knew he had to be close.
    “It’s too much,” he managed to gasp out.
“Do you want me to stop?”
“Fuck, no !”
    Thank goodness for that. I wasn’t really sure I could have stopped if he had said yes. I was speeding up now, both my thrusts and my hand pumping on him. “Stop fighting it, Matt,” I said softly. “Just let go.” And amazingly, he did. He went rigid and made a low, guttural cry into the pillows. He tightened around me, his whole body clenched and shaking underneath me, and I came, too, hanging onto him as tight as I could and hoping I didn’t actually leave teeth marks in his shoulder.
    For a minute, we stayed that way, me on top of him but no longer inside of him, both of us breathing hard and trembling from the strength of our orgasms. And then he suddenly pulled away from me, turned around, and grabbed me. He rolled me so that he was on top of me and crushed me hard against him. He was still shaking.
    I ran my hands up and down his back, feeling the tremors finally die away. We stayed like that for a while, just holding each other and running our hands over each other and letting our breathing get back to normal. He kissed my neck a little, but he didn’t say anything, and the longer we went without talking, the more I worried about it.
    “Matt, are you okay?” I finally asked.
He laughed shakily. “Are you serious?”
    “Yes.” I pulled back, grabbed his head and pulled him away from my neck so I could look into his eyes. “I’m serious. I want to know if you’re okay with what just happened.”
    He smiled down at me, and I didn’t see any shame or regret in his eyes. He looked tired and sated and completely at ease. “Jared, I am somewhere way beyond ‘okay’.” He kissed me and pulled my hair so he could kiss my neck. “That was amazing. Although….”
    That made me worry all over again. “What?”
“The aftershock is kind of strange.”
I relaxed again in his arms and laughed a little. “I know.” “I feel sort of—I don’t know. Soft. ”
“I know what you mean.”
“It feels that way for you?”
    “I always feel like my legs aren’t quite attached right anymore. Like they’re somehow loose in my hips. Like I’m a Barbie and somebody pulled my legs off—”
    “No!” he growled fiercely into my ear, his hand pulling hard on my hair. “Not a Barbie!”

    “Okay.” I laughed, surprised at his response. “Ken, then.”
    He relaxed a little, but it felt forced, and when he looked down at me, he looked troubled. “You could pass for Ken. Long-hair, hippie Ken.” His hands pulled on my curls again, but not as hard this time.
    I could tell he was trying to joke, but it didn’t quite come out right, and suddenly it wasn’t funny anymore. “What is it, Matt? Do you think it makes me a girl if you fuck me?”
    He sighed and flopped down on his back next to me and stared up at the ceiling. “No. Not a girl.”

    “But less of a man?”
    He didn’t answer, which of course was an answer in and of itself. I tried not be bothered by it. After all, I had