Coda 02 -A to Z

to vacate my premises in Denver.
    The entire interior needed to be painted, and we decided to start the next day. I figured we could get the store ready, find a place to live, and then go back to Denver long enough to tie up loose ends. Then we would rent a truck to bring the shelves and our furniture. The more we talked about it, the more excited I got. Angelo, on the other hand, didn’t say a word.
    “What are you going to do with all this extra space, Ang?” I asked finally as I looked around. “You’ll be able to double our collection.”
    He was silent so long, I finally looked over at him, and the look on his face surprised me. I had never seen him look so vulnerable. “You think I’m gonna commute or somethin’?” It wasn’t his usual smartass tone either. He sounded hurt. And pissed.
    I didn’t know why it had never occurred to me that Angelo wasn’t coming with me. The whole thing had been his idea. He wouldn’t be here?
    I tried to readjust the picture in my head, but this time, without him in it. It wasn’t as if I couldn’t find another employee. Maybe even one that I liked as much as I liked him. One who knew all the shit about movies that I didn’t know. One that would hang out with me after work and engage me in conversations that inevitably left me feeling two steps behind and eat Thai food that was so spicy it scared me.
    All of a sudden, I wasn’t excited any more. What had seemed like a good idea only minutes before now seemed crazy and reckless. And lonely. I didn’t want to do it without him.
    What did he have to keep him in Denver? He didn’t have any family, and he certainly wasn’t attached to his night job at the gas station.
    “Ang,” I began, and before I could stop myself, the words were out of my mouth, “I thought you were coming with me.”
    Something flared up in his eyes. Rage. Or pain. Or— something I couldn’t identify. Whatever it was it was directed at me. “Why the fuck would you think that, Zach?” Lizzy suddenly retreated to the back room of the store. Jared stayed where he was.
    “I don’t know. I just, I thought—”
    “You thought I’d come with you?!” His voice was getting louder. He was almost yelling. “You never even fuckin’ ask me? You just assume I’m gonna quit my job and break my lease. You think I’m just gonna follow you here like a goddamn lost dog? Like I need your charity?”
    “Charity? Ang, what are you talking about?”

    “You think you’re my whole fuckin’ life, Zach? You think I got nothin’ else?”

    “Ang, I never said that. I just—it was your idea, and—”
    “I know it was my fuckin’ idea!!” And if I thought he was yelling before, he was absolutely raging now. “You think I’m so stupid I can’t remember? Think I don’t know I’m the one suggested you leave? Think I can’t put two and two together, Zach? Is that what you think?”
    “No. Ang. Wait.” I was sinking fast. I had no idea what was going on.
    “Sometimes I hate you, Zach. I hate how you just assume I’m gonna come over and I’m gonna go places with you and I’m gonna move to this shithole town with you! You think I’m just gonna be sittin’ around my whole life, waitin’ for you to tell me what to do next, Zach? Well, I’m not! I can’t stand it anymore!”
    “Angelo, stop!” He actually did. He quit raging at me and put his head in his hands. I kept talking, before he could start yelling at me again. “I’m sorry! Whatever I did, Ang, I’m sorry. Just tell me what I did, because, I’m really lost right now. I don’t know why you’re so mad. I….” I was thinking fast. I could never keep up with him. “I should have asked, Ang. I should have realized. I just, I thought this was what you wanted. Of course you don’t have to move here. Of course—”
    But before I could finish, he turned away from me and walked out the door.
    I just stood there, staring at the spot he had been standing in. I didn’t know if I should go after him. I didn’t know anything. I finally looked at Jared.
    “What the hell just happened?” I asked him.

    He shook his head at me. “I can’t figure out if you’re a selfish asshole, Zach, or if you’re just blind.” And then he left too.

…Angelo
    I LEAVE the store. Decide to walk to the motel. Give myself time to think.
    I know I shouldn’t have gone off on Zach like that. It’s not his fault. It’s my fault. The whole fuckin’ thing is my fault. I’m the one who thought