Coda 03 -The Letter Z

I said simply, “I’ll find him.” Zach sighed, and Jared grabbed his arm, turned him around, and they started walking back toward the hotel. “You,” I hissed down at Jonathan, “better not follow.”
    Jonathan hesitated for just a second, and I knew he was debating how far to push me. Luckily for him, he decided on “no further”. He ducked his head and took a step back, away from me. “Okay,” he said quietly. “I didn’t mean to cause trouble.”
    “Bullshit. That’s exactly what you meant to do.”

    He looked at me with wary eyes for a second, then without another word, he turned and walked back into the club.
    Now I just had to find Angelo.
In Las Vegas.
Great.
    I had an idea where he would go, and fortunately for me, it turned out to be right. He was standing in front of the Bellagio. The fountain wasn’t on, and he was leaning against the stone railing, staring out at the silent manmade lake. He didn’t even look at me.
    “Go away, Matt.”
    I had expected that, but I ignored him. I put my elbows on the railing next to him, and we both watched the lake, as intent upon it as if the fountains really had been running. I waited him out, and after a few minutes, he sighed in resignation.
    “Not gonna leave me alone, are you?”
“No.”
“Don’t wanna talk ’bout it.”
“Okay.”
I knew Angelo well. Probably better than he knew himself. I waited. “I mean it, Matt!” he said, more forcefully this time.
“I didn’t say a word.”
    I waited a little longer, trying not to smile. I knew he was about ready to break. Finally he said, “Fine!”
“Fine, what?” I asked innocently.
    “Fine, I’m listenin’. Say whatever the fuck you came here to say.” “Okay,” I said. “Just this: Zach’s crazy about you.”
    “Sure he is,” he snapped at me. “That’s why he was makin’ out with his fuckin’ ex-boyfriend right in front of me.”
    I didn’t respond right away. I let that one just fall to the ground between us and flop around for a bit, before saying sarcastically, “Yeah, that’s exactly what happened.”
    He slumped a little, and just like that, all the fight went out of him. “Fuck off, Matt,” he said, but there was no strength behind it. “Come on, Ang. Quit acting like an asshole and talk to me.”
    I thought he’d snap back at that, but he didn’t. He actually thought about it for a few seconds before answering. “Jonathan’s right. I have nothing to offer. He has a college degree. And a career. He has a condo in Vegas, and a nice car, and tons of money.”
    “How do you know he has a nice car?” I asked. I was wondering if I had missed something.

    He rolled his eyes. “Just a hunch. He has season tickets to the goddamn theater, for Christ’s sake.”

    “So what?”

    “So, I can’t compete with that. Why would Zach choose me over him?”
    I looked over at him in surprise. “We’re talking about the same Zach, right? The guy who hates musicals and thinks Play Misty for Me is artsy, and only likes happy endings?” He smiled at that, just a little. “You think Zach gives a rat’s ass about the theater? Or the condo? Or even the money?”
    A tiny pause, and then, “No.”
“Then what’s your problem?”
    He sighed, then said in quiet resignation, “When I look at him, I see the guy Zach’s supposed to be with, you know? I see the guy he deserves.”
    “You think he deserves Jonathan?”
“I think he deserves someone better than me.”
“You know what I see when I look at Jonathan?” I asked. “A guy who spends too much money on shoes?”
    I bit back my laugh so he would know I meant what I said. “I see the guy Zach didn’t care about enough to fight for.”

    His head dropped, but there was no other response. I put my hand on his shoulder. “Come on. Let’s go back to the motel.”
    He shook his head. “Can’t go there yet.”
“You know Zach’s probably so worried he can’t think straight.” “I know.”
    “Are you trying to punish him? Because if you are, it’s a shitty thing to do.”
    He shook his head. “That’s not it.”
“Then what?”
“Just can’t, Matt,” he said quietly. “Not yet.”
    “Okay.” Of course I knew he sometimes had to be alone. He had crashed on my couch more than once, when he needed time away from Zach. But I was thinking about the club—about all of those men with their hands on him—and about the way I knew he used to live. “Don’t do anything stupid.”
    He didn’t look at me,