Coda 03 -The Letter Z

he finally had a purpose. He had a direction .” He stops again for a second, and then, “I didn’t realize until later that his purpose was you.”
    “Me?”
    He looks over at me in surprise. “Zach’s never bothered to fight for anything in his life. Not for his degree. Not for a job. Certainly not for me. But there’s not a doubt in my mind he’s ready to fight for you.”
    And the crazy thing is, I think maybe he’s right.
We finish our drinks in silence, and then he gets up and holds his hand out. I shake it, and he smiles at me. “I hope if we meet again, we can start over, Angelo. I would like to think we could do better.”
“Sure couldn’t do much worse.”
And he actually smiles at that. “Take care, Angelo.”
Matt’s been sittin’ at the other end of the bar the whole time. Once Jonathan leaves, he comes over, and we head for the elevators.
“What was that all about?” he asks me.
I don’t answer him. My mind is elsewhere. I’m thinkin’ ’bout what Jonathan said: that I’m Zach’s purpose. I think ’bout Zach earlier that day saying, “You’re my whole life.” I think ’bout what Matt said to me the day before.
“You really think Zach’s compass points at me?” I ask.
Matt looks surprised for a second, but then he says, “I’m positive. You are his north.”
We don’t talk the rest of the way to our rooms. He’s lookin’ at me funny, tryin’ to figure out what’s goin’ on in my head, but I’m not ready to tell him. I’m not sure I even could. Not sure I understand it yet myself.
Is it possible that I give somethin’ to Zach just by bein’ there?
When I walk into the room, Zach’s sittin’ on the bed waitin’ for me.
    I stop short when I see him. Tryin’ to figure out how to ask him the question in my head.

    He comes over to me and tips my chin up so he can look in my eyes. “Is everything okay?” he asks me.

    “Fine.” He’s lookin’ at me, like he’s searchin’, tryin’ to decide whether I’m tellin’ him the truth.
    “What did Jonathan want?”
“Mostly, he wanted to apologize.”
    He looks relieved at that. He wraps one arm around my waist. His other hand is still against my cheek. “He’s not a bad person,” he says gently.
    “Wouldn’t have believed that last night,” I say, “but now, I think I do.”

    “He apologized, and that’s it?”

    “Says he never meant to let you go. He thought he was comin’ back. He thought you would call. That’s why he left Geisha.”
    His eyes close for a second, and he takes a shaky breath. I can tell it hurts him a little, realizin’ that maybe they could have made it work if he had only tried. But then he opens his eyes again and looks into mine, and his voice is steady when he says, “I never loved him the way I love you.”
    He’s still lookin’ in my eyes, tryin’ to find somethin’, but I’m not sure what. I’m thinkin’ ’bout whether it can be true that I’ve been givin’ him somethin’ all along, and not even knowin’ it. “Zach, am I your north?”
    He blinks at me once, confused, ’cause of course my question makes no sense. But then he says, with a sincerity that can’t be mistaken, “You are my everything.”
    “Zach?”
“Yeah?”
“Shut up and kiss me.”
    He doesn’t hesitate this time at all. His lips are so soft against mine, and I know I’ve really come home now. I know we’re gonna be all right. After a few seconds, he pulls back again. He’s lookin’ down at me, and I can tell there’s still somethin’ on his mind.
    “What’s wrong?” I ask.
“Not a thing.”
“Then what’s up with you?”
    He gives me a nervous smile. “You want to go out for a bit? Just you and me?”

    “Sure.”
    Zach hardly ever blushes, but he’s blushin’ now. There are spots of color high on his cheeks. He hesitates for just a second, but then he asks in a quiet voice, “Will you do something for me?”
    “Depends on what it is,” I say.
    Those spots of color are even brighter, but I can tell he’s not backin’ out now. He pulls somethin’ out of his pocket and offers it to me, lookin’ scared but hopeful at the same time. I look down at what’s in his hand, and I laugh.
    It’s eyeliner.
“Is that all?” I ask, and I see both relief and excitement in his eyes. “I bought the hair gel too,” he says, smilin’ at me.
“You really thought this through, didn’t you?”
    He pushes me back against the wall. His lips are against my neck, and his groin